Dorinda Medley: Sonja Is Not My Friend

Well, well, well… Here we are, winding down another great adventure in the big city with friends, foes, frenemies, and women in a good old-fashioned frenzy. If this season has taught me anything, it’s that a good friend stands by her friends, no matter what. No need to bullsh-- and certainly no need to cover for one and lie for another…just be real, just be you, and just be a good friend — period. And I really have done my best, and I wouldn’t have done anything differently. Needless to say, it’s been a rocky road with some of these relationships, but hey, life is hard, relationships aren’t easy, and these are difficult personalities — my own included! Then add a camera crew and a television audience to the mix…I get why we’re on this, but it is NOT easy, and it certainly isn’t as fun as it looks. Maybe I’m too sensitive? Or maybe I’m just a good person who doesn’t play to the camera or the audience — I’m myself to everyone, for everyone, and in spite of everyone. 

Ramona and I managed to repair our friendship — a few times — and I’m at Jules’ beck and call through these difficult times. I’ve been there before, and Ramona was there for me when I needed someone to console me, guide me, advise me, hear me, yell at me, and just listen to me. Jules is going through some serious heartbreak and headaches right now, struggling to keep all the moving pieces moving together. Sonja’s issues with empty nest...Sonja’s issues…period. And Carole struggling with the idea of living in the moment or living for the future. That’s something I came to admire in her last year in London. She almost dreaded revisiting her past, anxious to enjoy the now and anticipate the tomorrows. Looking back, I’m sad that our friendship didn’t progress positively and fruitfully this year; I really thought it would. I find Carole witty, funny, caring, and the right kind of interesting. Sadly, this year saw the group split in two, and we sat on opposing sides of a Cold War — I stood by my friends, and she stood by hers— but… “we’ll always have London.” And her friend, Bethenny, had several battles she was fighting and still is. Still battling demons of her former life, anxious to move it along to her next stage…which, ironically, is exactly where I found myself throughout this whole thing. And, to a degree, precisely where Luann finds herself. It’s funny, Bethenny, Luann and I are all kind of sitting in the same limbo with similar pieces in play and similar decisions on the horizon. Like I said, it’s not easy, and it will drive any woman to the verge of a nervous breakdown… (Which is why there are martinis.) 

And then there’s Tom. Oh, Tom…and Ramona. Oh, Tom…and Sonja. Oh, Tom…and Luann. Oh, Tom…and Miss Regency. That was really a kick in the gut for me, to see Lu’s relationship struggles get exposed like that and her pain air around the world. I thought I had it bad, but maybe I got lucky? Not really sure yet. It was devastating — as a woman who’s experienced pain and felt humiliated and feared abandonment, it was devastating. I stood by her because I know how important and priceless it is to have someone by your side. Not someone to bash the man, attack the woman who told you, and then just stroke your ego and build you up to be Wonder Woman…someone to listen, console your feelings, keep you from doing and saying and thinking something drastic and just help keep you level. That’s what a friend does — a true friend. Right? Whether they stay together or not is no one’s business. God knows we’ve all struggled with our relationships, marriages, divorces, deaths, etc… But despite being blown away by everything that went down in Miami, to see a friend and her happiness ruthlessly toppled like that was indescribably devastating, even frightening. And yes, at the time, I found it very, very hard to be supportive of Tom — especially after I got back home. In the end, she’s made her decision and I respect it, accept it, and will defend it. That’s my duty as a friend. Love conquers all, as they say, in good times and in bad. All I know is I have an email in my inbox about fittings and my hotel room information for New Year's Eve in Palm Beach. Which none of the other girls can say for themselves — especially Ramona and Sonja. 

Let’s talk about Sonja, shall we? I’d like to touch on the friendship (or lack thereof) with Lady Morgan. As you all saw, I barely saw her this past year. Barely spoke with her, barely saw her, barely remembered she was around because she was cooped up in her townhouse all winter. Honestly, I didn’t know her before I started meeting all the girls last year. I knew OF her because her reputation precedes her, but I had no personal connection with her before we sat down for our first lunch last season. I know nothing of her day-to-day life, and she definitely has no idea about mine, because I don’t have a reputation that precedes me — not like that. We have some mutual friends, and I always found her entertaining, if not amusing, but she decided last year that I wasn’t worth her time or attention or interest…and I’m fine with that. 100%. So I didn’t have much to do with her this year, and it seems the only one who did was Luann because she needed a place to stay. So there she was, Lady Morgan wearing fur coats in her kitchen, talking to Luann about Tom or Tipsy Girl or that time she flew her soccer team around the world to collect seashells in St. Tropez… I was blindsided to hear she was STILL so angry about not coming up to Blue Stone Manor for our one night in the Berkshires… STILL. I’ve said it before: I stand by that decision. It wasn’t because of anyone else — it was because I didn’t want her to be decimated, because I knew a LOT of people had a LOT of issues with her, and I simply wasn’t in the mood to referee or take a hit for anyone. And I knew no one else would either. (Little did I know the firing squad had shown up anyway…) Can you imagine how much worse it would’ve been had Lady Morgan lamented the loss of her latest lover before the Countess and her Executioner? How epic? No thanks — I wanted a quiet weekend in the country with board games, Christmas pajamas and a few bottles of wine with friends, not a Duel of the Divas. The last thing we needed was to hear about Sonja and her former friend with no more benefits — I really would’ve set my house on fire! Sonja is not my friend, she never has been, and by the looks of it, never will be. She’d rather make up stories in her head than make the effort, and I’ve got a real life going on, not an imaginary one. Who knows…maybe she needed to get out more and should’ve come so she could have an axe worth grinding with the ones who care enough to fire back: Bethenny, Ramona, and Luann. Not Dorinda… Dorinda just wants to cut the sh-- and make it nice. 

Enjoy your Labor Day Weekend and remember to say "three cheers for azumas"...whatever those are.

xx,

D

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