After a rough night with the girls and feeling as if they really have little understanding of the unrelenting and unending stress I still feel, I decided from that point forward to try and be quiet about my situation. Though feeling a bit chagrined from the night before, I got up and prepared for a fun, distracting day on the slopes. It did make me feel better when Bethenny approached me and appeared to have a greater understanding of what I was feeling and apologized for the gang-up the previous evening. I appreciated the gesture, especially from her, because she has been going through her own drama.
As a child, my sister Dabney and I sometimes visited our cousins to ski in Upstate New York, so I was familiar with the Eastern ice as opposed to Western powder. But this Vermont day was perfect, and skiing with the girls was freeing and fun. On the ski lift, Bethenny again mentioned what had happened the night before. Since her ex-husband had just been arrested for stalking her, I found her reassurance of my situation very generous of heart and comforting. Telling me to take my time to heal about my trauma was just what I needed to hear. I have never been a whiner, and I was not looking for sympathy from the night before. Everyone handles their problems in their own way. Talking about what had happened to me in Palm Beach is a catharsis and a way for me to heal. However, I am coming to the conclusion that people really do not want to hear about trauma or abuse from a relationship. Quite simply, it makes them uncomfortable.
Afterwards, we all met up with Dorinda and Carole for après ski drinks. I mentioned that I was watching my social drinking while taking Wellbutrin, because I wanted to be careful. Carole was concerned that I would have a Tito’s after I told her my therapist had recently prescribed this drug for my disoriented feelings and sadness so that I would feel more even keel. One is not numbed by Wellbutrin. It merely allows your own serotonin to circle through your brain again so that you feel more level-headed. One is allowed to socially drink with this drug...but not to excess, and I do appreciate Carole’s concern.
Ugh! One last thing: I do want to say this about the dinner party after our day of skiing where Tito’s loosened my lips far too much... What happens within a marriage is private. I had no right mentioning something during Truth or Dare that involved what I thought was humorous but that happened within my marriage, and I sincerely apologize to my former husband. I would never ever try to embarrass him. I am sincerely sorry.
See you next week!