There are many stages of a breakup. But quite possibly the most confusing stage is when a person swears up and down that they are fully over their ex, only to fall apart in tears and misery when they are all alone, sitting on the couch, eyeballing their social media, or thinking about all of the good times they shared together. After splitting up with someone you adored for quite some time, you just desperately want to get over them. Which is why you’ll prance around with a happy face on and try to fool your friends that you’re ready to move on when really you could use a giant hug or a girl’s night out with a margarita the size of your face.
In the case of The Real Housewives of Orange County, it's not only how the ladies (like Kelly Dodd) are doing post-divorce, but also how their friends are acting — and, to be honest, it's all a little bit different when your ex was a husband and there are children involved.
There are ways to tell when just about anyone — including yourself — isn't over someone but keep in mind these three tips are not about essential messages when you still share responsibilities but instead more about curiosity and interest — about things that don't affect your life at all. Kids notwithstanding, here's what you can look for to tell if your friend is keeping a poker face on ... or if she's truly is over an ex.
They’re Still Connected on Social Media
Even if your gal pal and her ex-babe have cut ties in real life, doesn’t mean they’ve cut ties on social media. If she’s still following him, checking his Instagram story every couple of minutes, and stalking his comments to see if he’s flirting with anyone else, she’s probably not over him yet.
Usually the first thing couples do when they break up is unfriend and/or unfollow each other on social media,” says Heather Ebert, a relationship expert at WhatsYourPrice.com. “It has nothing to do with being petty, but more so about disconnecting from each other. If they’ve yet to cut ties on social media, they (or someone) might still be holding on.”
She’s Still Sending Him Messages
The sooner you notice that she’s not sending him messages, whether pleading to get back with him or telling him how horrible he is, the sooner she will be over him and the relationship. While it might be tempted to send one, or twenty, text messages to try to make closure happen, it’s best if you send zero.
“Frequent messaging after breaking up might seem benign at first, but after a break up there needs to be some away time to settle our mind on to new goals,” says Damian Sendler, a mental health expert. “The more you stay in touch with the person you broke with, the more you’re going to be exposed to the repeating drama. The wounds will not heal, and there is danger of developing nostalgia and permanent disliking for the person that tries to get us back.”
She Can’t Stop Talking About Him
If your friend can’t stop gabbing about her ex and what he did, or what he didn’t do, she’s most likely still hung up on the breakup and isn’t showing any signs that she is ready to date someone else or just enjoy some single solo time.
“Often after a breakup, people put their ex on a pedestal, when in reality they should be knocked down,” says Julie Spira, the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. While it’s natural to try to remember the good things when you’re hurting, if your friend doesn’t remember the reasons for the breakup, whether it was cheating, lying, or a lot of arguing, it’s time to remind your friend, that their ex wasn’t a saint.”
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