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Bastard broke up with me on a couch. This was the end of summer, so it's been a few months. And I'm doing great. I'm loving my alone-time because it's really given me a chance to just sit back and be my own person, make my own decisions, and not have anyone influence those decisions. And I felt like Slade definitely was.
We went to a relationship counselor. And she told us that we were in a life-stage conflict. And someone recently asked me what that "means to me." Basically, I feel that it means that I don't have my life together, and Slade does. He's ready to settle down, and I'm ready to buy tables of drinks for my friends at clubs. I absolutely think this is definitely for the best. And we're friends. He's one of the closest friends I have. He's an amazing support, he's an amazing partner. I still go to him for everything. Regardless of all of this, we remain very close.
And so Slade brought a date to the barbeque. And do you know what my first honest-to-God thought was? "Dammit. Why does she have to be hot?" If he was going to bring someone, he could at least have the common decency to bring someone unattractive. But I have to give it to her, she's hot. It was uncomfortable. My stomach was in a million knots. It was like having the wind knocked out of me. I wasn't expecting that. Nobody was. I mean, look at the reactions of everyone else. And so I went and sat with Shane. Which I'm sure everyone's going to be asking about...Shane was really comforting. He was there to let me vent. And it was good. And I think Slade got mad because he saw me sitting with Shane. Well, but he brought the date.
Let me say a few things, as these blogs come to an end for a while. Listen up, fans. Without you, this show would not be what it is. I would like to thank each and every one of you. Even those of you who don't like me. Thanks, seriously. For watching the show, but more importantly, for being vocal about your support. Because I've felt incredibly supported, when I'm out and about, in emails I've gotten, in MySpace comments. People have told me that I'm doing the right thing, people tell me to follow my dream, it's really amazing. People stop me to give their opinion about me. I feel incredibly supported.
Of course, I'm going to get the "What the hell are you thinking?" comments. People have said "Slade is the best thing that'll ever happen to you," or "what makes you think you can have a singing career." Sure. I get that. And it's really interesting TV when I sound terrible. When using only out-takes, of course that's going to make for more interesting television. And I was nervous, it was my first time in a studio. I know that. You all know that. That's why you're watching. Give it a chance. Check out my MySpace music page. Listen to the song here. I'm growing, I'm learning, and I'm not claiming that I'm anything more than myself. And people can choose to love that. Or love to hate it. And whichever way they go, they're still watching, they're still listening. They're either cheering me on or they're tuning in to watch me fall. So either way, thanks for watching.