Billy and I were both working in the Newport Beach area one afternoon and decided to take advantage of this close proximity and meet up for sushi in Crystal Cove after work. We had been dating now for six weeks or so and we have spent some time getting to know each other better talking about typical things like life, friends, jobs, loves etc .... We had even briefly discussed our feelings on marriage and kids, since he has never been married and I was wondering where he stood on that subject. He had told me that he had thought about it years before with his ex-girlfriend, but his life moved in another direction and he now thought that maybe having children was just not going to happen for him. At that conversation, it didn't seem like having a child was a high priority in his life. So when he mentioned it again over dinner, I was surprised. We had just had this conversation and I wasn't expecting it again so soon. I have already had and raised two children and hadn't thought of having another.
Of course with that being said, if I was in love with someone and he wanted a child, I would discuss any and all options available to make him happy. But, this was way too early to have any really deep discussions about kids and marriage. I do want to see if he is open to being married, because if not, then I'm wasting my time and his.
After moving some of my staging items out of the home that David and I spent 3+ years in, I felt unexpectedly depressed. We had been together for over four and a half years and had spoken of marriage and a long life together, so removing the few pieces that I had left there, was an act of finality. While I was looking around the house, remembering all of the hard remodeling work that we had done, the wonderful holidays spent with our families and the happy times it made me very sad ... more so than I had thought that it would. The breakup with David was hard on me — it took me over a year to even date again — and I think that's why I had gained all this weight. I was mad, sad, and depressed for such a long time.
So, I said yes to Jared's offer of dinner at his place for later that same day. Why not I thought. Jared is a safe relationship for me — he is too young to date, but is nice to hang around, so that equals safe! I had no expectations for the evening other than to have a wonderful dinner, laugh, forget my day, relax, see his place, and continue to move ahead with my life. I like being with Jared. He is a great guy and a good friend. I hope to have him as my friend for many years to come.
The difference between Jared and Billy's personalities is huge. They are just very different men and it would take me too long for just this quick blog to explain that. When I'm with Jared it's all about having fun and playing. We don't have a "date" type of relationship so there is no stress or worry and that equals safe. When we are together he makes me feel 27 again, and that's kind of exciting. When I'm with Billy we connect on a different/deeper level and while, yes, we do have fun and play ... thoughts tend to roam toward wanting another kiss. A kiss is a huge thing, and we do it very well. It's been a long time since anyone's kiss has affected me like Billy's does. It's really kind of scary, and I do NOT want to get hurt again. Billy is NOT safe — not at all.