Meeeowww

Meeeeeeowwwwww. The claws are out. In perfect O.C. fashion, Gretchen ran around the house showing her new shiny diamond to Jeff's children. It was a bit gauche, but when I was 30, I was much more into material things too. I was living in Chicago, engaged to the wrong guy and miserably buying things I didn't need. Now I'm all about eBay and retail is a bad word. Just when I want to dislike her, I second guess myself and think she really has stood by her man and giving her pretty things makes him happy. You can't take it with you.

As for Lynne's daughter Alexa, she is interesting and surprisingly musical. She is more textured than her seemingly superficial sibling. However, her not being responsible enough to say the word sex (when she referred to their intimacy) then she probably shouldn't be having it. That was a little tidbit from my assistant Molly. Listening to Alex and her boyfriend Randy was like watching Beavis and Butthead.

I am loving Jeana. She seems calm and happy and drama free. I like her ex-husband, and I thought it was very considerate of her to ask if his girlfriend (or was it wife) knew that Jeana would be working with him. It also is a good sign to be friends with your exes. I'm friends with most of mine. There is quite a trail and I'd have to have the average of Cal Ripken to be friends with all of them. I've done my best. I also am similar to Jeana in that I have great taste in men and have chosen wisely.

At the hat party, Gretchen was grating on my nerves. How can girls be like that? Do me a favor and don't hoard the fuchsia hats? Did I actually just say that sentence? She was acting like she was in high school. She took a turn for the worst. I loved the hat Tamra chose and I thought they chose wisely for Vicki and she was appreciative. Vicki seems to only sweat the tiny stuff. I really loved when Lynne said hat shopping was grueling. If only one of my workdays entailed hat shopping. Somehow I'd muster through it.

Vicki's son and his episode of Home Alone was sophomoric and he needs a little dose of Briana. She's the rock star. I also thought it was so disrespectful of him to talk about Jeana sitting on her ass to impress his friends. The tip tapping of Vicki's computer is a bit much and Jeana is right about the personal emails. Honestly, don't go if you're going to bust out a massive laptop. I am the biggest hypocrite because I live on my "crackberry," but at least it fits in my hand and doesn't tippity tap disrupting the whole limo. My catty side came out too, because Gretchen didn't even wear one of the two pink hats she purchased. The polite girl thing to do would be to call Tamra and let her borrow it since she planned to wear fuchsia. I'm starting to sour on Gretchen. Her laugh is a bit annoying and she is quite an attention seeker. For every hot girl there's a man sick and tired of blank-ing her.

I realized during this episode that there isn't only ice running through my veins, because I felt badly for Lynne. No matter what my personal feelings are, I have never been the girl to leave someone out, nor am I the "mean girl." NOT NICE. In 6th grade, my entire class ostracized me and I have always been the girl that doesn't want to make anyone feel like an outsider. I am better than no one and everyone is equal. I have mixed feelings about this entire dynamic. If I was Tamra, I would have run onto the racetrack to get away from Gretchen while she shimmied her orange ass and flirted with her neighbors. But people, she is 30. Girls just wanna have fun - especially young, blonde, bodacious girls. So, sometimes you need to suck it up and be nice. No matter what, I'm going to be hypocritical here because I'm saying be nice to the new girl, but I totally know why Tamra and Vicki were running for the woods. Lynne would have irritated me and I would want to be with my friends that I'm comfortable with. That said, Vicki and Tamra didn't need to gossip two feet away. Save it until later.

Bottom line: just give me Tamra, Jeana and Vicki and I'm happy. Gretchen is forced and contrived and Lynne is like watching paint dry -slow drying paint. Jeana handled herself perfectly, but of course she was the victim of a dig as a result. Tamra made a "chubby" comment about the table and I really didn't like that. Who was chubby? Am I missing something? And what exactly is wrong with Jeana wanting to be nice to the underdog? That's a very human thing. Lynne got my sympathy vote. How could they ignore her at the very next table.

Vicki's comment to Donn about Gwen Stefani's husband made Vicki officially "THE EMASCULATOR." Vicki, I love you, and you know that I do. And believe me, I know I've emasculated a man or two in my day. But sister, you need to love your man or leave him and that's the end of it. Otherwise, the deterioration will continue. I know it isn't that simple, but something has to happen for something to happen.

Juicy oranges. Until next week. I know I can't wait.