No One Is Perfect

Episode three is my favorite one so far! I love to write about my thoughts, in case you haven't figured that one out yet, so I think this might be a long blog because this was such a special episode to me and I wanted to touch on a bunch of topics. I know I keep saying this, but I seriously feel so lucky to have such special memories on tape of Jeff and I. Jeff and I have been to Indy a couple times now together and it was definitely one of our favorite places to go! Last year we took my parents and they said it was a dream come true for them to be able to go and have so many fun elements of Jeff's connections come into — play for them. I love seeing Jeff in his element — he knows just about everyone at Indy it seems! I was so excited that he felt well enough to make it out there this year. When we decided to go I saw his eyes light up! Now watching the footage I really see how happy he was being there and I am so grateful in his last days here on earth he got to go do one of his most favorite things one last time — Indy! I know it really made him feel like he wasn't sick to be back in his element working the scene and doing his thing. While I watched the footage of me going around the track in a car, I realized that it doesn't seem like I was going that fast in the car, but we were going up to 160 miles per hour while going into turns and at times it seemed like the car was going to flip or ram itself into the wall. Being able to go around the track, especially with the official pace car driver, is quite a privilege! The driver was an Indy 500 winner, so he knew how to handle the car, but he also knew how to scare me!

It is so exciting to be at an event as big as the Indy 500 and be able to have access to so many VIP areas. To be able to be right on the track before the race with the drivers themselves and ride in the pace cars, and stand on the track where the first turn is when the race starts is pretty darn awesome! The production company did such a great job of capturing the pandemonium of the race and the excitement that is generated by the crowd. Seeing Jeff just laughing at me while I did all my quirky little things makes me miss him even more. He loved me fully and I was the luckiest girl in the world to have a man love me despite my silliness. Indy will always be such a significant part of my memory of Jeff.

I was completely laughing at myself when I was being brutally honest that I didn't know a thing about the Indy 500 till I met Jeff. Apparently I still don't know that much because when big time drivers come and hug and kiss me on the cheek, I still have no idea who they are! The footage of that driver kissing me on the cheek is super funny to me. This guy walks in where Jeff and I were sitting and says, "Hi, do you remember me?" and asks for a hug, (the footage didn't show it, but I looked at Jeff and he shook his head yes like go ahead you know who he is.) So being my usual friendly and outgoing self I went and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. Jeff was laughing because he knew I had no idea who it was still and he said to me afterwards, "Do you know how many people would have been thrilled to of gotten a kiss from him?" I said, "No, who is he?" Shoot, I still had no idea — silly me. The great thing about Jeff and I is we had a very secure relationship. He and I are both flirts and I think it is part of what kept the relationship fun and going for us. I knew at any minute he could find someone else because he was charismatic, charming, and full of life, and he knew the same about me, so it caused us to value each other more.

When I watch the footage I start to become very aware of the very quirky things I say and do. I am such a dork! I am not sure where I am coming up with half the words I have been saying in the episodes. I didn't even realize how much I make up words to describe what I am thinking in the moment. Like "golly begebers"— what the heck was that? I also realize that I say "yeppiee" a lot when I am excited about something. Jeff always told me I had these different voices and tones for the mood I was in. So I guess that when I say "yeppiee" that is my excited and happy voice.

The carriage ride through the little town was just so romantic. Jeff was a huge romantic and he and I loved spending one on one time together doing special little things like that. It was always a joke between us that I was always fixing him in some way — I always used to push the hair back that went in front of his ears. He hated it when I would do that because he liked the hair to stay in front of his ears, so it was funny to see myself fixing him again. Jeff said some pretty profound things to me during that carriage ride and it brought me to tears to see it all again. The one on one interview when he said that I have been through more than anyone should have to go through when it came to dealing with his leukemia is what really got me crying. I wouldn't have changed it for the world, but for him to say such wonderful things about me really makes me realize how much we valued and loved each other so much. I feel so lucky to have known a love like his.

So I have to comment on the women and how funny I think they all were in this episode. Seriously, if you pay attention to their funny comments and actions you will see what funny and fun-loving women they can be at times. Jeana was cracking me up with her comments about her bedroom saying, "I hope you brought me something beautiful to put in it" and then saying, "I am just taking my vacation in my bedroom." She is such a fun-loving and amazing women. She has such a good heart and just wants to take care of everyone. I commend her on her patience and unconditionally loving heart. Did I mention how much I love her daughter Kara as well? What a gem she is. Mama taught her well. Vicki and Tamra were making me laugh this whole episode as well. They sure looked like they were having a ball at the wine tasting, and the "funnies" started when they were at dinner. When Tamra says, "Vicki, you can't cry, you have goat cheese," I seriously burst out laughing! Then Vicki had me in stitches about every coarse, starting with the menu. She was feeling her armpits like she was sweating after reading the menu, and then shaking her head when the oysters came out, and then threw her hands up in a "game over" gesture when the waiter started talking about duck liver or whatever it was. For some reason all those gestures tickled my funny bone. I seriously was laughing so hard while watching it.

I feel for Vicki and Don as they face some tough issues in marriage. I was married once and marriage is very hard — it takes a lot of work and a lot of dedication. My ex-husband and I both made a lot of mistakes in our marriage and I can only hope and pray I have learned from them and have grown so I can be a better marriage partner again one day myself. I am so sad for Lauri and what she is facing. Drug addiction is a very difficult and trying addiction (I have seen it hurt so many people in my life) and I cannot imagine the grief and worry she faces on a daily basis in regards to her son. I admire her strength and wisdom when it comes to the best decisions for her children. I think the viewers have been extremely tough on her as a person and a Mom, but in the short time I have known Lauri, I've found that she is one of the most stand-up, honest, put together women I have every met. I sincerely hope that Josh makes it through this addiction without any more pain or grief then what he has had to go through so far. Lauri and George are a strong couple and a united front when it comes to the well being of their children and I think she is making a very sound judgment in taking time to focus on her family.

I am super excited for the newest housewife, Lynne! She is so much fun — she is quirky and silly and constantly is making me laugh. She is bold and strong and has a freaking smoking hot body! I have gotten to know her even more since filming has wrapped and she is such a carefree, outgoing, and kind-hearted person. I am happy to call her a friend.

I would like the fans and viewers to remember that this is a show full of strong Type-A personalities, and that we are all hard working and awesome women! When you get a bunch of women together, especially with these qualities, you are always going to see fireworks! But at the end of the day I think you will start to see that everyone respects and cares for each other because that is just human nature. We all do stupid and silly things that are captured on camera and production tends to show only those parts of our lives because it makes for good television, but I have gotten to know the women over the summer and I can say that they are all very courageous for opening up their lives to public scrutiny. We are all so very different and that is what makes this show work. Each of us brings a different element to the table that so many people can relate to. Too bad you can't take all the wonderful qualities of each of us and put it into one housewife! I will tell you why you can't — it's because no one is perfect! Not you, not I, not anyone. That is why God (whoever that may be for you) is so awesome. He gives each of us so many great qualities, but also reminds us how human we are by each of us having our faults as well. Without faults we wouldn't know how lucky we are to have a gracious God who loves us unconditionally, no matter how much we screw up. At least that's the way I see it — I am sure it is different for many. You will see ALL of us screw up in the series, because at the end of the day we are all human. I am passionate about forgiveness because I have needed forgiveness before in my life. Seeing others for what they have to offer us and teach us rather then just judging because it is different then how we think can really be a blessing. I have to remind myself of this often, because I too forget this. I realized how much each of the women have to offer such great lessons on life and how much I can learn from even the differences between us.

Thanks again to all the fans that have taken the time to write such sweet things to me, and for all the support and love, it really has meant a lot to me!