Drifting Apart?

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and have a great New Year. I know the kids and I did.

This week’s episode was all about Vicki and Donn rekindling their marriage. I hope what we saw was real and that they are truly in love again. I would love nothing more than for both of them to be in a happy marriage. Donn has expressed to me over the years that a happy marriage is all he has wanted. Hopefully Vicki has finally realized what she has with a great guy and that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I have to say I shed a tear when Vicki brought out the picture album at dinner. You see, I've been with Donn when he has been upset and heartbroken over his marriage. So it was especially touching to my heart when Vicki reached out to him and showed him love. It would be nice to see all the wives do loving things for their husbands. Good for you Donn and Vicki. I wish you much happiness.

This brings me to Vicki and her influencing my wife. As much as I would like to blame someone for Tamra’s behavior, my wife really is the one that has to take the responsibility for her behavior. I gave up influencing her from the beginning because I trusted her to make the right decisions. Back to Vicki influencing my wife. If someone tells you to jump off a bridge, and you do, who is to blame -- the instigator, or the person that actually jumps?

Tamra has also made her choices in what she has said on the show this season about me, (her husband). My belief is you should never disparage your spouse to anyone for any reason (especially on national TV). All season long, I have been unpleasantly surprised by some of my wife's comments and conversations about me. I have no idea what she says or has said on camera until it airs. If I'm not present, I don't see these scenes until they air unless she tells me about it. And she never tells me about it. Hmmm. More about this to come…

The talk that Tamra and I had in our back yard was hard for me to watch. Our marriage is definitely not perfect, but then again, whose is? As I've already said, I can't completely blame Vicki for this behavior. However I choose not to be around people that are not positive to my family and me. My wife seems to feel differently and always accommodates these kinds of people. She was not always like the way she is today. My wife has changed in the last few years. (I wonder why???) She is not the same girl I knew three years ago. I really don't know her anymore. And it breaks my heart.

In this same conversation, Tamra tells me she wants to make amends with Gretchen, even after everything that she has done. As you saw by my face, I was shocked. I have stayed mostly out of my wife’s decisions when it comes to Gretchen. Unfortunately in this case there were reasons why I felt so strongly against this. Last year Gretchen said and did things that upset my wife (false accusations, court summons, etc.). It upset Tamra so much that she remained in bed for a whole month. She was miserable and cried all the time during this period. Naturally I was the one with her every day taking care of her and our kids. And as you can imagine, not having her happy and healthy put a toll on our family. I promised her then and there that I would never let this happen to her again. This didn't mean I was encouraging her to be mean to Gretchen. On the contrary, I said be civil and pleasant, but don't engage her or be overly friendly with her either. So yes! I was upset that she would even fathom the idea of making amends. And yes! I was willing to speak up and put my foot down. If it was about control as my wife mentioned, I would have intervened long before. As I said to her, I'd rather spend my time and energy with people that are a positive part of our life. I pride myself in not being a hypocrite who pretends to like someone, and then talks negatively behind their back.

Next we see Jim and Alexis’s church and how they view God. I think this is a good thing. This seems to keep them and their marriage grounded. Their church seemed to be very uplifting and fun. Maybe I should go with them one day. I would also like to apologize to Jim, Alexis and viewers regarding the "Devil Humping 700 cc's" comment. I think that was inappropriate and in bad taste.

Next we see my really good friend Marcos and Tamra looking at houses. I only have one thing to say (again): "Don't talk badly about your spouse, ever." TV show or not. It just makes you look bad. For those who don't know, Marcos is one of my closest friends. I had approached him regarding Tamra becoming his partner. I then had to convince Tamra to take this opportunity. So for all those people who see me as having an issue with my wife working, you are dead wrong. I welcome it if it is what she wants to do. I only had one concern. I just don't want her to forget the most important job we have, raising our children.

The dinner with Tamra's mom ... HOW UGLY! Can I ever get a break this season considering I didn't want to be on it this year? I really never knew my wife felt this way about me until I watched this episode. I guess I'm not the right man for her. This did remind me of a conversation on the first day of 2009 (January 1, 2009). Tamra and I were in Las Vegas the day after New Year’s Eve. She told me she knew she could get someone better looking, with more money, and who would let her do whatever she wants, regardless. But she was going to stay together for the kids. I was shocked, and I'm shocked now watching her at dinner with her mother, when she says, "If it wasn't for the kids, I would leave him."

Ouch! That really hurt! If this is true, she should have this conversation with me in private. I'm not sure any couple should stay together because of kids. It only does more damage to them. I guess I was under the impression that she was still in love with me as I am was with her. And sadly I had to find this out is no longer true on national TV. I guess she wanted to have the drama spotlight, rather than what's best for our family and me. Have we really drifted that far apart in just a few years?

You don't need to run me over with a truck to get your message across, honey! Of course it feels like a truck just ran over my heart and soul. Wow! What a fool I've been. Never thought to watch out within my own camp. "Et tu, Brute?"

Like I always say, "If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger." But I think this one is going to hurt like I was being killed.

Sorry kids, I would give up my life and conquer the world for you. Just couldn't triumph over celebrity and fame. Daddy loves you very much...