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Hope everyone is well. We all should stop and take a moment to pray for all the people and families hurting from the tragedy in Haiti. May God bless every person that is hurting or who has lost a loved one.
To be honest every week I struggle with my blog. I feel like no matter what we (cast members) say, someone will misconstrue it at some point, whether it is a response from a fan or someone else from another blog world that picks up our words and puts it into their stories. This for me is a place to share behind the scenes if you will. A place to give you a little more insight to the very small percent of our lives the show airs. It is impossible to share all aspects of our lives in the short hour we are on every week. In writing the blogs I have realized that no matter what you say, someone will have something to say about the way you said it. For instance one week everyone will be saying, “You should stick up for yourself and say something to her for the way she treated you.” Then when you finally do, the next week the consensus is, “You should take the high road and not say anything.” When we give behind the scenes insight into what took place in an episode it’s, “You don’t need to explain yourself so much” or “You're being defensive” etc. So you can understand how difficult it is sometimes to write our blogs. It truly makes me laugh to see how up and down it goes. This is why I have committed myself every week to writing from my heart, and more than likely it will be long because I have a big heart!
I am the kind of person who hates to see people hurting, so no matter how many times it might bite me in the ass I will always extend my hand, it’s just the right way to be. We start out this week with Lynne and I going for a walk in the park, with a very interesting metaphor of her and my dogs in the park. It sets up the scene for our talk together and why I have concerns for her daughter. I remember being very concerned about her dog possibly running into the street as she was chasing her around the park, and it was just making my stomach turn. I wouldn’t want to see that happen to Lynne or her dog. As I stated in my talk with Slade on the couch when I got home, I was very taken back by Lynne’s demeanor towards me in the park that day. I really felt Alexa and I had a good talk and that she shared some things with me that day that I know she did not share with her mom afterwards (the footage did not show all of our conversation in the store that day). I sincerely was concerned about her and all I wanted to do was communicate with Alexa that I had heard her crying out for attention on three separate occasions and therefore I was there to let her know someone was listening. I never once spoke an ill word about Lynne or Frank and who they are as parents. I never wanted to give Alexa advice either; I wanted to let her know someone cared and was there to listen if needed because I had been there before. A few episodes back Alexa even said herself that her mother never listens or hears her and that they don’t communicate. So for Lynne to pretend that they talk about everything seems very odd to me. Thank you to all the fans who wrote me e-mails supporting my concerns and intentions.
I believe I approached the situation and handled by concerns in the best way I knew how by confronting and asking Lynne first about talking to her daughter. I think if Lynne actually stopped talking over me for one minute maybe she would have realized what I was actually saying and my concerns.
I love Lynne and think she is a person with a very big and wonderful heart, but I do believe sometimes she sticks her head in the sand and doesn’t see things for how they really are. God knows I have done that before myself and I have needed to have people point things out to me. I will always be honest with my friends, especially when I feel there is a serious concern about something. I am not one to sugar coat something. If there is an issue between me and someone I immediately want to address and confront the situation - I don’t like tension or fakeness. Which is why you see me immediately call Lynne after our walk in the park. Instead of holding resentment or talking about her behind her back, which we all have seen others do in this group, I felt it best to call her directly and say, “We need to talk further because you misunderstood my intentions.”
Our phone call was not very pretty and it was hard to hear myself being so matter of fact with her, but she needed to really HEAR me and not just talk over me. I believe that phone conversation really helped clear up my intentions and called her out on some of the stuff she was trying to spin on me. Unfortunately I have been a little hurt by her this past year, as I have heard her saying some pretty harsh things about me around town. I have always supported and loved Lynne. Even last year when all the girls were being mean and harsh to her, I was the only one that stayed in touch with her and tried to make sure she felt included in the group. I have always encouraged and uplifted her in her business; constantly showing my support by wearing her cuffs, and to have her turn on me in not only this instance but on a couple of other things this summer really left an impression on my heart. I can only hope that one day we can get back to being the fun and silly girlfriends that we were last season. If that means not having concern about her or her daughters, then I guess we won’t be able to have that close of a friendship.
Lynne and Frank have a very different style of parenting and you can disagree with someone while still being respectful of their decisions. This was the conclusion after our talk that night. I might not agree or choose it for my life, but that is what makes the world go round. When Slade spoke at the table it was not nearly as harsh or serious as it came off in that scene. At that point Slade was trying to point out that we are the kind of friends that will always air on the side of caution rather than just ignore something that comes to our attention, especially about someone else’s child. I would never want something to happen to a kid just because I was more concerned about not hurting my friend’s feelings. To me that is what real friends do, they are honest and real, and they are concerned they will approach you out of love. If they are doing it out of ill will or bad intentions that is another thing, but I know Lynne and Frank knew where we were coming from and what our intentions were.
Now to clear up the things Lynne was saying about Slade. Lynne has never been around Slade and his kids, she has never heard any of his kids crying out for help or attention and I would hope and expect her as a friend to come to us if she saw differently. Lynne doesn’t know anything about Slade’s situation and to talk about it as if she does is just ignorant. I have talked to Alexa personally, been around Alexa while she’s made comments, had mutual friends tell us Alexa had cried to them as well, and also had Lynne and Frank tell me that they believe being their child's friend was really important to them. Unfortunately, many of us on the show have seen first hand their girls acting out; they have shown up drinking to events, or are sharing secrets with others they don’t want their parents to know about, or I have heard them saying in the bathroom to each other “We need to act like classy drunk girls” etc. I had facts to back up the conclusions and concerns I had, Lynne was passing judgment on Slade based on hearsay and rumors.
Vicki’s slumber party was a blast! It’s always so nice when we all laugh and get along and have a good time. It seems so simple to do and that is how I am with all of my girlfriends, but it seems to be very few and far between with this group of friends. My favorite part about this entire episode was when Tamra made the comment about Alexis having to go home because the kid pooped! OMG! Seriously I almost fell of my chair laughing, her delivery of that was beyond funny! She can be so funny and fun sometimes. I wish she was like that 100% of the time!
OK, so let’s talk about good old Dougall boy! Seriously what a crock of crap this guy was and I’ll tell you why. Vicki said she planned a surprise for us, but if she had actually done that then why didn’t she know his name when he showed up? Of course if he reads all the crap about us on the internet he is going to gather some skewed information about us before he comes into the room. Something fishy there to me.
When I said I "didn’t want to know about it” I was referring specifically to not wanting to know if I was going to DIE at a certain age! I have never had a reading and I have never wanted a reading because I don’t believe in those kinds of things. I believe in God. I don’t want to have someone instill doubt in me about a relationship or my future just because they believe they can see a color around me (did you notice that they never showed him telling me my color or good points, interesting huh?) When we first sat down I thought he was going to map out the rest of our lives for us, which is why I was saying I didn't want to know. Of course leave it to Tamra to turn my statement into something else. The only thing I have to be running from on Coto de Caza drive is her! Haha!
Next week’s episode looks like it will be a hoot! My party was so much fun and full of lots of surprises!
On another note, the news I was excited to share with you guys last week was about a song I had written about Jeff! It was a very personal thing and was very hard for me to decide to share with the public, but I saw it as a great opportunity to bring more awareness to raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and to continue to keep Jeff’s memory alive. People keep asking what they can do to help and the answer is ... download it from iTunes and ask all your friends and family to do the same! With the 99 cents it takes to purchase it, the more lives we are all working to help save! Click this link http://pitch.pe/40962 for the press release about the song and links to spread the word using your Facebook and Twitter accounts. Thank you so much for all your help and support in this new project!
Hope everyone’s 2010 is going great so far! Xoxo