The Road to Happiness

Going to Spain was the trip of a life time, it felt like a honeymoon. When Eddie originally asked me to go, I was very hesitant and he ended up re-booking the trip three times because of my uncertainty. I had never been away from my kids for ten days, and with everything we had gone through, I was afraid to be away from them. The kids stayed with my mom and their dad while I was gone, and we were able to Skype almost every day. Things were not great with Simon and I at the time, therefore I didn't feel it was necessary to tell him where I was going. He knew I was out of town but not specific details.   

Our first stop in Spain was Madrid, where we stayed for three days, then off to Seville. I cannot express to you just how beautiful Seville is despite the 110 degree heat wave they were having. Our hotel overlooked the cathedral, which is probably the most breathtaking view I have ever seen. We spent hours at the cathedral. Eddie took 800 pictures inside the cathedral and 1,300 pictures in ten days. At the time I was going crazy with the amount pictures he took, but now I am so happy I will have those moments for life. While in Seville the Tour De Spain was going on and Eddie was the happiest I had ever seen him. Eddie is a cyclist, so we watched the whole race and took even more pictures! I was so sad to leave Seville after three days, but we were off to Marbella. As you can see during our drive, Eddie and I have a ton fun with each other. We share the same kind of raw, down to earth humor and really enjoy being together. He truly loves me for me.  

While at dinner I was so happy to get French fries! Spain is beautiful, but the food was not to my liking. Eddie loved the food and tried everything including bull's tail. When Eddie told me he wished he could have surprised me with my mom and our kids, it made my heart melt. He knew Simon would never allow that. 

Our talk about kids has been a long one. It wasn't until the camera was in front of him that he finally confirmed he would like a child of his own. He has always told me that he will be happy with whatever God has planned for us and that my kids are enough to fill his heart. 

Eddie's childhood was less then perfect. He was raised by family members and foster homes. So having his own kids has been a difficult subject for him to talk about. Even though he says he would be happy with or without a biological child, I feel in my heart he really deserves a child of his own. Which leads us to a very difficult situation. I am 43 and recently had a procedure to remove cancer from my cervix, with talks of a possible hysterectomy if it returns. I need to do what's right for kids, myself, and my health. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I'm sure everything will fall into place, it always does.

The market in Marbella was so much fun, I wish they would have shown more of it. The guy at the counter was SO rude, I was there waiting for fifteen minutes and he wouldn't even acknowledge me, just sat there on his computer. The rest of the vendors were so nice and really got a kick out of the cameras.

Our picnic at the beach was beautiful. I wish they would have shown more of our talk. At one point Eddie asked me how I was dealing and if I missed Simon. My answer brings tears to my eyes. Yes, I miss him, he was in my life for a long time, and I hate where we are at now. Most of all I miss our family unit. I hope one day that we can be friends and do things with our children together. The bottom line is we are different and things didn't work out. I drove him crazy, and he drove me crazy. I feel very lucky to have a guy like Eddie in my life that wants to talk about these things. 

Two of my cast members have taken to the blogs and press to constantly rip me apart. I think your blog shows your true colors, since there is no editing, alcohol, or outside influences, just speaking from the heart. I will continue to keep my negative thoughts in and will only defend myself if needed. It's been a long journey for me, and I am finally in a good place in my life. I want to keep on a positive road to happiness.