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Heather's No Bully

Heather doesn't want to get lumped into the us versus them battle, because she disagrees with how Alexis and Tamra acted.

By Heather Dubrow

Let's start with a few comments about our opening scenes. . .

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I am so tired of being lumped in with "the other girls," and this whole "us against you" dynamic, like we are on teams. I've always had individual relationships with all of the ladies and continue to do so. Even when Tamra and Vicki were having extreme problems between them, I maintained separate relationships with no problem.

Also, I have never commented on Vicki's surgery or Alexis' for that matter. I've always said they were pretty girls before and are pretty now. Plastic surgery is a personal choice.

KFI Radio show: It was a two-hour show, and I touched on many parenting issues -- bullying being one of them. It is very personal to me, because I have been a victim of bullying. I'm also well versed in the definition. On RHOC, we are grown women on a reality show being paid to give our opinions of each other. More on that later. . .

I was pretty surprised to see Lydia relaying our conversation like that to Alexis. I didn't mention Alexis' ring at the start of our conversation. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't have mentioned Alexis at all, but Lydia kept bringing her up. Also, it wasn't shown, but I told Lydia (based on Lydia's comment that HER ring wasn't her "real" ring) that Alexis wears a fake one and has the real one in the safe at home, not to insinuate that she doesn't have a real ring.

Dinner with Lydia and Doug: This was actually a super fun dinner and we had a great time getting to know Lydia and Doug. The scene at dinner makes the "cover shoot issue" look so awkward, when, in truth, Doug explained how they do their covers and who gets featured on the magazine. We said we completely understood -- no thank you, but thanks for asking. No one had hard feelings and then we moved on...

As a matter of fact, we actually did end up shooting a feature for inside the magazine! When we suddenly and unexpectedly sold our home, I thought it would be nice to have professional pictures taken before we moved out. I called Lydia and asked if I could hire her photographer, she mentioned doing a piece for the magazine and since we were moving out, Terry and I thought it would be great. It was a lot of fun, the pictures are amazing and I'm glad we got to do it. Thanks Lydia, Doug, and Beverly Hills Lifestyle magazine!

Gretchen and Slade: It's just so heartbreaking to hear about Grayson. No parent should ever have to see their child suffer. Grayson is always in our thoughts and prayers.

Tamra and Eddie ...I was shocked to hear that Tamra invited Alexis to her party. The only thing Tamra has heard lately is that Alexis is trying to sue her  I'm not saying they shouldn't sit down at some point and work out their differences. This just doesn't seem like the right place to me. No wonder her stomach is acting up!

The party at C.U.T. Wow! The place looks amazing!!! So does Tamra! Giving out the glasses was so sweet! Love a party favor!

I was giving Alexis the benefit of the doubt as to why she was coming to the party. I had no intention of engaging with her. If you've read my previous blogs, you will know that I was upset with her for my own reasons. So, when I saw her, I was just trying to be appropriate when she walked in. Maybe Alexis should give me a script? Nothing I say is right. What am I supposed to say? I said nice to see you -- it's called being polite. If I had said nothing, I would have been called rude.

It was clearly very awkward while we were all sitting there. Again, there are some of comments from some of the ladies that are perpetuate the "us" and them" situation, which I don't feel is accurate. Vicki and I have always had a nice friendship...And Lydia and I are forming a nice friendship at this point and really enjoy each others company.

When Tamra asked why Alexis came to the dinner, I think she was actually curious. There were a lot of ways Alexis could have answered, however I feel she got very defensive right off the bat. I wish she would have just said, "I just came here to support you." The conversation may have ended there. I was determined not to get involved -- but when Alexis was repeatedly saying "all of YOU," "YOU'RE all ganging up on me again," I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I didn't want to be grouped together again with everyone when I wasn't doing or saying anything!

I felt like Alexis was being aggressive and trying to egg everyone on -- almost a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So, I spoke up, but I feel like its hard to get a word in edgewise with Alexis. She kept talking "at" me instead of "to" me. It was all so juvenile and ridiculous, which is why I resorted to juvenile, ridiculous behavior. This is where I felt Alexis had brought us.

Then after it calmed down, Alexis said she came to the party was because of the last time Vicki "was around YOU GUYS," and again made a sweeping hand gesture to include me. I'm tired of this. I have always been a big supporter of Vicki's. Also, the "last time" Vicki was with everyone was at my clambake. It was a successful evening and ended with Vicki and Tamra taking their first step towards making amends -- so I have no idea what Alexis is talking about.

I thought it was interesting to see the flashback from San Francisco. It was virtually the same scenario as what happened in Costa Rica. So, does that make Alexis a bully? No. And neither am I.

Alexis accuses me of being mean. I feel like she is allowed to say whatever she wants and voice her opinions -- if I do the same, I am mean? It's a conversation, argument, point/counterpoint ... Call it what you want. You can't expect to say your opinions and have everyone else just nod their heads.

Then things got out of control. Look, I understand why Tamra exploded. She felt cornered into inviting Alexis and now, as she feared, things are not going well. The last straw for Tamra was that Alexis wouldn't let me talk at all. I appreciate that as my friend she was outraged on my behalf. Although I appreciate how Tamra felt, I don't agree with how she handled the situation. It was a disproportionate reaction to what was going on at the table. You will have to stay tuned to see what happens next week ...

I also want to say, it's very easy to sit and watch from home and judge all of our actions and reactions. The truth is, you only see part of what's really going on. I thought it was brave of Alexis to come to the dinner, I just thought she should have let someone else talk at the dinner table and turned it into a conversation, rather than a shouting match.

I thought it was admirable of Tamra to allow Alexis at this gathering after what she was saying about her in the media.

Remember, there are three sides to every story. . .your side, my side, and the truth.

Until then....

Send your questions to @OKmagazine and use #OKAskHeather I am answering questions on etiquette, party planning, child rearing, health, and beauty. Ask away!

You can also follow me on Twitter @heatherdubrow. I finally have Instagram! Follow me @heatherdubrow. Check out my website: Like me on Facebook. I write all of my own posts and am happy to hear from you!

You can also follow my onion ring-loving husband on Twitter @drdubrow. Or check him out at

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