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Ashley Darby Reflects on Her Miscarriage and Marriage Struggles

"Now I know that we are really making the right choice to have a family together. "

By Ashley Darby
More From Ashley Darby on Her Baby Plans What do you think about saying that you didn’t do anything in her direction for good about the pizza moment?

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Ashley Darby: I understand that Karen always wants to feel attacked, but this a pizza delivery was all in fun. Never did we intend to hurt or bring harm to Karen, as we were expecting her to open the door and laugh at us dressed in our ridiculous costumes. If we were actually trying to do harm, believe me, we would not have done something as funny and lighthearted as delivering a pizza. I wish she would lighten up about it. What were you thinking when Michael was clashing with Karen and Ray – what do you think about these business issues accusations?

AD: This has been a long time coming, as Michael has been very upset by Karen propagating this terrible rumor. He also has been a credible businessman for over three decades. Michael has survived multiple recessions and sacrificed his own well-being in order to lawfully keep his business afloat. When he hears of people who have cut corners and tried to trick the system, it is very frustrating for him and he loses respect for them. Such was the instance with Ray, where Michael tried to genuinely ask about his ventures to understand the situation. He also knows things happen and life isn't always fair. Ray shut Michael down immediately and Karen started talking about his 'dingaling.' I don't know how anyone can throw those daggers and not expect retaliation. Michael is a real estate developer where his character and integrity ultimately define his success. Consequently, he has a right to know that the people around him follow the same standard of decorum. Tell us about this cease and desist – or as much as you can – and clashing with Karen on the couch here. You two seemed to come together over your mother.

AD: I have a great deal of respect for Karen as a mother and genuinely appreciated when she gave me words of advice about how to balance the relationship between my marriage and my mom. Where Karen and I derailed was over an instance that happened last year. Initially, I was going to keep it to myself, but when Karen started making comments about my relationship and putting on airs in relation to marriage I did not think it was right. I felt like she was constantly poking at me and the other ladies when really she lived in a fragile glass house. Ultimately, after hearing the history Karen and Ray share, I have decided to drop it. If they are happy and have an arrangement, that is none of my business and I wish them the best. And that hush letter ended up right in the trash. Tell us about opening up about your miscarriage. What is it like now watching Michael break down?

AD: I decided to share about our miscarriage because I wanted my fellow Housewives to understand that the advice they gave Michael and I really helped us.Gizelle Bryant had given me great advice in the past about working on a marriage and really evaluating whether or not a love is worth fighting for. I took that to heart and we didn't give up. When Michael and I decided to start a family, it was a very pivotal moment for us. We have shared both our ups and our downs with everyone, as we want everyone to know that absolutely no one is perfect.

Michael underwent a very emotional transition. When we first conceived, it was within the first cycle of trying. In June we experienced the first time in six years of not using the POM and it was pretty fun, I see what all the fuss is about! When we returned from Bhutan from my 30th birthday trip, I was very tired and my body was sore. We really thought it was just jet lag, as I have been prone to physical changes with time change in the past. One day I was getting ready to go to an event and before I jumped in the shower I took a pregnancy test. I had almost forgotten I took the test but looked down and saw that it was positive, my heart skipped many beats! That night I told Michael by putting the positive pregnancy test in his lap. He was happy and I could see that, but I don't think it felt real to him at the time. Over the next few days, we both got more and more excited, talking about all of the fun things to expect with parenthood - even thinking of baby names. When I had the tragic miscarriage, Michael was very upset and I think he realized that he wanted to have a baby more than he originally thought. That was a very special moment for me because now I know that we are really making the right choice to have a family together. Michael is a wonderful man who loves deeply and passionately, and I am incredibly proud of him for being open about his emotions. It not always easy for a man of his status, but Michael is open to growing and learning. What more could I ask for? What are your final thoughts of the season?

AD: This was a very heartfelt season of evolution for me and my family. It wasn't easy to share the intimate details of our lives, and it's been a painful process, but we knew that blue skies were just beyond the grey clouds. I'm proud of how much we have evolved and look forward to more experiences together. I didn't know I could love my mom any more than I always did. Even more importantly, I'm optimistic about how my friendships will continue to grow. Right now we are in a rough patch as we are still working to learn and love each other, but I'm eternally optimistic about it. Onward and upward!

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