UPDATE (May 30, 2018, 12:50pm) ...And the new chick's name is Hennifer! Jennifer Garner shared on Instagram "The votes are in and the answer overwhelmingly clear at this house— please meet our new friend, #Hennifer. #firsttweet #smallestchick" Congratulations, lil Henny!
Jennifer Garner is many things. The mother of three beautiful children, and one beautiful Golden Retriever named Birdie. An A-list celebrity. A maker of homemade bagels and kale chips. A user of Capital One cards. And an out-of-the-henhouse Chicken Lady.
Yes, Jennifer Garner has many chickens, and when she has down time — how does she have down time? — she likes to read to them and take them for long walks. The chickens, like many things in her life, are an expression of Jennifer Garner’s great sense of humor. Her favorite one was named Regina George, after the character played by Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls. Unfortunately, Regina George recently passed away. RIP little lady, we’re sorry.
Today, in a post on Instagram, Jennifer Garner announced that her family recently acquired seven new chicks (perhaps to get over Regina?) and that she has naming rights to one of them. “Taking all suggestions below!” she encouraged fans.
We assume that her children — and maybe ex-husband Ben Affleck? — will name the others. But there’s an opportunity here. An opportunity for us to pick out a name that Jennifer Garner will actually use. Is Jennifer Garner a secret Bravo super fan? If so, might we suggest that she name her new chick “Scheana Marie” because its glossy black hair looks so much like that Vanderpump Rules gal? Or maybe Frank Guidice after Joe Guidice’s father, who was building a chicken coop for his grandchildren when he passed away?
Or how about … Heather Chandler after the eponymous main character in Heathers, a movie that predates Mean Girls? Or “Tatty” as a jab at her ex’s very interesting body art?
In any case, if you have ideas, leave them in the comments section of Jennifer Garner’s Instagram.
And before you think about getting some chickens of your own, know that the average cost of housing a chicken over his or her lifetime is $500. Chickens need plenty of room to roam — think an acre of land, or more — as well as a clean coop that needs to be cleaned almost daily. (And that doesn't even include the $15 worth of feed it needs each week.)
There’s a reason why Jennifer Garner has so many chickens. She’s a celebrity with a gigantic house, assistants, and a house staff! Not that we’re discouraging you — but maybe think twice before you get your own Regina George.
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