When You’re Oprah, Not Even Poop Stains Faze You

When You’re Oprah, Not Even Poop Stains Faze You

We know, we know. Oprah for President in 2020.

By Brienne Walsh

Everyone knows Oprah Winfrey can do anything. She has donated over $50 million to charity. She has inspired entire generations of women to be leaders. She gave all 276 people who attended her show in 2004 a free Pontiac worth $28,400. Most recently, she even knocked Donald Trump out of the top spot in the news cycle when she gave a speech at the 2018 Golden Globe awards. She could probably get elected President just by blinking her eyes.

When you imagine Oprah, I bet you see her sitting in gigantic mansion lit up by a special star that casts light on her — and only her — from a million miles away in space. I bet you see her eating amazingly fresh meals prepared by her private chef while she singlehandedly educates thousands of orphans to the level where they automatically graduate from college. I bet you see her in a bubble bath that smells like a thousand night jasmines blooming in a secret garden.

I’m sure there’s one thing you don't visualize her doing ... and that is picking up dog crap.

But it turns out, she can do even that!

In the latest installment of Vanity Fair’s Secret Talent Theatre, filmed for this year’s Hollywood Issue, Oprah shares her secret method for removing poop stains from a carpet. She has become an expert, she says, after owning 21 dogs over the course of her lifetime.

Using gravy instead of actual dog poop, Oprah leads viewers through her methods. First, she adds club soda to the stain. Then, she blots the stain with a cloth. Then, she adds more club soda, and blots again. This continues. Eventually, she adds dishwashing liquid — only a little bit — and rubs it on the stain. The club soda reappears. Oprah fluffs the rug with her fingernails and ta da! The stain is actually gone.

The woman is a goddess, what can we say. A goddess who must never yell at her dogs. What need would there be, when she can clean poop up as easily as she can empower millions of women to stand up for themselves?

Sigh. We love her. In fact, we love her so much that we scrolled through her Instagram account to pick out some pictures of her and her pups. Check them out below.

Out for a SuperSoulSunday hike. See you in an hour on Facebook Live!

A post shared by Oprah (@oprah) on

My favorite day of the week. #Harvestday

A post shared by Oprah (@oprah) on

Is there anything better than a freshly picked tomato? #harvestday

A post shared by Oprah (@oprah) on

Extra extra love today #NationalDogDay

A post shared by Oprah (@oprah) on

From our front porch to yours @jimmyfallon #HolidaySpirit

A post shared by Oprah (@oprah) on

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