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This Relationship Expert Suggests How Scheana Shay Can Find the Right Guy
The Vanderpump Rules SURver started off Season 7 single. That's a start.
Vanderpump Rules SURver Scheana Shay may appear too love hungry, but give her a break, she just wants to find true love like the rest of us. After divorcing her ex-husband, Mike Shay, she quickly moved on with Rob Valletta, who broke up with her after the season ended, as she revealed at the Season 6 reunion.
That left her starting off Season 7 single, which for Scheana is a good place to start. Jax Taylor agrees. He discussed her ever-evolving love life on The Daily Dish podcast, calling her a "hopeless romatic" who should maybe take a step back from dating for a quick sec.
"I think Scheana's just in a place right now where she's just — and I love Scheana, this is nothing against her at all, she's a great friend and she's very sweet — I think she's just a hopeless romantic, maybe co-dependent, just wants to be in a relationship, she jumps from relationship to relationship to relationship to relationship and it's just kind of like, dude, chill, take a moment, you know," Jax said. "I feel bad because these guys I feel like are not in it for the right reasons and she just wants to settle down, she'll just take whatever... and it's sad to see, because you want to see her be happy, but she keeps finding the wrong guys... I mean, I don't know how many she's going to have to run through to figure it out."
In the time it took to type this, there's even been an off-camera update on Scheana's love life. She's been hanging out with fellow SURver Adam Spott, who she tried to set Brittany Cartwright up with in the wake of Jax's cheating scandal last season. Is your head spinning yet?
About the two, Scheana recently told Us Weekly: "We’re always together. He’s my favorite person to be with. I don’t even know if we know … We’re hanging out. Yeah, but he’s still my best friend.”
OK, let's back it up. Personal Space called in a relationship expert to explain that not every guy is the guy — and what we can do to slow down a bit and recognize when the right one does come along.
Relationship expert April Masini has seen this behavior before — hopping from relationship to relationship without even stopping to think what it is you truly want or need. She gives Scheana (and all single girls) some advice:
1. Be careful with the L word
"Don’t say it too soon," Masini said. "Scheana seems to have a habit of being free and easy when it comes to expressing her feelings. And that’s normally great. But the L word carries special weight. It implies commitment, and it also begs a response. When you say, 'I love you,' to someone and they don’t say it back, there is no greater awkward moment. Likewise, if someone says it to you, and you’re just not feeling it, they’ve created a burden for you because they’re awaiting a positive response — and you just don’t have it for them. So, wait until you’ve been dating long enough to know there is a commitment, before using that four letter word."
2. Don’t bend friendship
"Friends don’t sleep together. And while it’s common to refer to a boyfriend or girlfriend as a best friend, for many people, like Scheana, this is a trap. If you’re sleeping with someone and calling the relationship 'friendship,' you’re pulling the wool over your own eyes. The problem with bending friendship by adding sex, is that many people do this to leverage a romantic relationship. They think that sex means love — and it doesn’t. It just means sex. If Scheana can separate friendship from sex, she won’t confuse herself by thinking that a friend she is sleeping with is actually a romantic partner."
3. No sex just yet
"Early hookups are not the road to long-term relationships. Spontaneity is awesome, but if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, hooking up is not the way to start one. Hookups are easy. They’re fun. But they don’t resonate serious relationship. They’re for people who are not looking into the future. If you want a serious relationship, date like you are. Get to know someone before jumping into bed with them. This sends a message to your partner — and yourself — that you’re not here for the sex, you’re here for the long run. Early hookups are confusing to everyone involved."
4. Know what you’re looking for
"Beyond someone cute and available," Masini continued. "This is especially true if you have a divorce under your belt. Own the mistakes you made in the relationship that failed, and be clear about what will work for you, and what you have to offer. Don’t marry a non-working actor and expect them to be a breadwinner. Don’t marry someone who wants kids when you don’t, hoping they’ll change. Know yourself, and know what you want in a partner. And don’t date people who you know are cute and hot — but not right for you, if you want a long-term relationship."
5. Look into their lives
"Get to know your partner’s friends and family before you get too serious. They are going to be indicators of who this person is — beyond what you already know from dating. Do your homework. If your partner doesn’t speak to his or her parents, and the reasons seem random, beware. If your partner has a history of relationships that crash and burn in flames, beware. And if your partner’s friends have poor character or are not people you can see yourself being friends with, beware."