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Tom Sandoval Wants Kids, Ariana Madix Does Not: How Can Couples Handle a Baby Desire Disconnect?
Tom Sandoval says to "not have that option" for a baby is a total deal breaker.
Our beloved SURvers are all grown up and getting married, divorced, and engaged, and they're naturally also talking babies — do they want them, how many do they want, and when do they want them. Brittany wants three, Jax says two, Tom Sandoval, one or two. Only problem there is Ariana wants zero. And Tom said it himself — if Ariana Madix continues to not want kids, that's a deal breaker. Ouch.
So what does the future hold for the best-looking bartending duo if she truly feels this way in a few years? Well, Tom says to "not have that option" is, simply, not an option. Ariana, instead wants to travel the world and do all the things she wants to do before she even thinks about a baby. She also has a phobia of actually giving birth. (Epidural and C-section if you ever change your mind girl, just saying.)
Like Ariana, the number of women without children is anticipated to rise. In fact, the Pew Research Center found that the number of women choosing to skip the whole motherhood thing has doubled since the 1970s. Currently, "15 percent of women and 24 percent of men hit 40 without having kids," and one-third of millennials don’t want to be moms.
For many women, bigger, better jobs, little-to-no flexibility, college debt, and living expenses are causing them to lean towards no on baby.
The question of if you can ever work long-term with a partner who doesn’t want kids (when you do) has been posed on Quora, with one commenter saying, it’s “essential” to talk about because “children are not a casual thing.” "People who want them consider them a required element of their future lives. People who don’t want kids consider them an impediment to their future lives. That is not surmountable. One half of the couple is going to settle, and kids are not an area for compromise. I have watched people tear themselves apart, trying to want, or not want children, for their partners.”
Another writes: "Absolutely [reason for a breakup.] Never stay in a relationship hoping they will change their minds. If you want kids then have kids. You deserve to and shouldn't settle, just as you wouldn't expect someone who doesn't want kids to be forced to have them. This is a very valid reason for breaking up. This is one of the few things that matter more than anything in a lasting relationship. Kids and marriage — two things that are valid reasons for ending an otherwise perfect relationship."
According to PsychCentral, "an ultimatum is a demand,” and is "essentially a threat with consequences."
"Ultimatums are destructive because they make your partner feel pressured and trapped, and force them to take action."