Right off the bat, I want to get something out of the way: I’m not the smartest person I've ever met in my life (I’ve also never technically "met" myself, so that choice of words is hilarious.). I didn't mean that seriously; I let my frustrations get to me, and I lashed out. There are much better and more clear ways to express my point of view without sounding like a total ---hole. Smooth move, Ferguson.
That being said, when you live your life amid second and third-hand rumors and lies, it's hard to have an objective point of view. Watching conversations that I wasn't present for gives me a much clearer perspective…it’s an out-of-body experience.
Let's be clear: Jax didn't "crack," "reveal," or "admit" anything. He never made a choice between being loyal and being honest, because he has never been either of those things (and I doubt even knows the definition of those words). I was so frustrated that people were interested in the “story” and the gossip and were so desperate for it to be true that they weren't paying attention to the fact that NONE of it made any sense!
Every single time that someone attempts to perpetuate this story about Tom, their story changes, without fail. Each person involved has their own reasons for doing so. While neither Tom nor I have anything to actually worry about, both of us reached our boiling points due to the relentlessness with which this has been brought up. We’ve always told the truth, but because it’s not interesting, people jumped at the chance to buy into the bullsh--. I mean, there are people who still believe that our relationship started as an affair. I don’t have to go on a ridiculous crusade to "clear my name" and then act as though I've been a martyr to truth. But if that’s what helps someone sleep better at night? Hopefully a good night's rest will help them be a better human.
I've been told that I'm pretending to be someone I'm not, that I'm fake, because I'm not interested in petty drama, or because Tom and I don't feel the need to hide our happiness. I've been told I'm shady and mean, because I'm not nice 100% of the time, but when I am, I get called a doormat. Guess what? I’m a three-dimensional human being, like the rest of the world. I’ve got issues: I’m not forthright with my feelings, I have crippling anxiety, cellulite, and my hair always refuses to part where I want. But while I may not be nice 25/8, I try not to be rude to anyone who doesn't deserve it.
2014 was the best year of my life in so many ways, exacerbated by the fact that my 2013 was full of tragedy, struggle, and pain. Tom has always been a good friend to me, and I feel so incredibly grateful for the life we have together. I am so proud of him and proud to be his partner and teammate. Tom always has my back, and I will always have his.
The bottom line is that some people will love you, some people will hate you, but most people don't care either way. I'm doing the very best I can, and that's all I can do. Gossip, rumors, and a flair for the dramatic rank very low on my list of priorities. I'm so thankful for the people who have always been there for me. It's such a great feeling to know that there are wonderful and kind people in this world. I'm truly lucky to know so many.
True love is real. Onward and upward. Live long and prosper. In case I don't see you: good afternoon, good evening, and good night.