It was definitely an uncharacteristic birthday for Stassi this year. Just a simple dinner and wine. I was happy to be on the up and up with Tom but certainly hurt that he hid Scheana and Shay's wedding invite from me. Scheana made sure that his invite was strictly to him and did not include a plus one. Although I understood she didn't want me there, it felt like a passive aggressive ploy to anger me at the expense of Tom. It was really frustrating, because we had finally reached a point of honesty and compromise, and this just put a damper on that. I didn't want to say he couldn't go, but I didn't understand why he would want to go without me.
Therapy really opened up both our eyes, ears, and hearts as to what out issues were and what we could BOTH do to work through them. The guys' trip to San Diego was poor timing, and I was not happy about it, but this was a good time for Tom to prove to me that I could trust him, and it was my chance to prove I'm not trying to control him. I didn't worry that he would make out with anyone. I knew that although it had happened before that it wasn't something that would continue. I would like to say I was surprised by what the Toms said Jax did, but I just wasn't. Jax really shouldn't be in a relationship. He struggles with monogamy and fidelity. I find it horrible and sad that he can't control himself. I was proud to see my boyfriend having fun and not taking it too far.
I had begun feeling very burdened by the lingering animosity with Scheana. We have had a friendship that was touch and go, and the ongoing feud between her and Stassi made it harder. I woke up one day and just wanted to let it go and bury it with Scheana. We work together, have mutual friends, and it would alleviate stress on my relationship. On another note, I know that at the end of the day Scheana and I do get along great. Of course I realized that this might not bode well with Stassi, but she has to understand that I can't hold her grudges and alienate myself for her. I could only hope she could trust that my loyalty to her is unwavering and that I could be friends with Scheana without compromising our friendship. I was thankful that Scheana was also looking to resolve and extend the invite to Miami. I just felt a huge weight lifted, which was exactly what I needed after the last weeks that were dark and depressing. I really felt I was making the best decisions for myself, my life, and my relationship.
Here's the thing: Stassi's birthday was on a Tuesday. Scheana invited me to Miami on Saturday. Between Tuesday and Saturday I had not seen nor spoke to Stassi. I got the feeling that Stassi was dealing with personal matters based on a couple texts. Kristina told me she was feeling a little blue and wasn't really communicating with anyone. I was getting the impression Stassi wanted space considering I hadn't heard anything from her and she was not responsive in my attempts to reach out to her. I didn't know if or why she would shut me out, but as more time passed, it concerned me. Of course I wanted to be the one to tell Stassi what had happened with Scheana, but how could I if she was stonewalling me?
Stassi said it best: Her island is rapidly shrinking.
Stassi and Scheana's conversation proved my fears. I had really hoped that Stassi could pause for a moment and look at the situation from my eyes and understand, but she couldn't. Stassi is so set in her own mindset, and it was her way or the highway, which seems highly unfair and not how friends should handle these matters. To chalk it up to a betrayal is ludicrous. Stassi said it best: Her island is rapidly shrinking.