What do I have to say about episode 4? OMG! In order to get unfiltered reactions, I watch episodes of the show with personal friends and we were all dying over this one. First off, you can't imagine how uncomfortable it is to have chemistry and kisses on camera, but I obviously managed to do it -- ha-ha. I was surprised at the decision to allow so much racy footage, and whoever cut in the cheesy piano/sax music needs to leave the production! (Just kidding, Lauren.)
My relationship with Rebecca and Tiffany is so sweet and honest. They both give me different things but first and foremost, I have a great deal of respect and caring for each them. The support and concern I've received from fans for my love life is very touching, but there is no need to worry for me. I am doing fine and having a lot of fun. I have been a lot of women's "first time" and I always keep those women in my life as dear friends after the fact. Society allows women more freedom to experiment than it does men. I live in Los Angeles and I really have never met a woman that hasn't experimented with their sexuality - no joke! So, in my world, bisexuality is pretty common. Does anyone notice that I chose to date two women who are strong communicators? Hmmmm... This is a quality I will never go without in ANY relationship again.
Guys will always have a strong reaction to seeing two women getting together. I have a lot of straight guy friends and we talk about this subject often. I know I look very cocky in this episode but I am just saying it like it is. Men can be threatened when they feel sexually competitive and that turns to anger sometimes. Brian and I seem to have a contentious relationship, but I get him as a person and understand how to manage his ego. I see him as an overly sensitive little brother and he is, for the most part very respectful to me. I have no problem firing people that I don't enjoy working with, but he's not one of them.
Jesse is very dear to me, but I felt myself pulling away from him this season. The stress of carrying a TV show can drain energy and I back away from people that show any negativity towards me or the things that make me happy. I feel that Jesse was dealing with his own insecurities/worries, and some of his behavior is misdirected towards Rebecca and myself. I admire the honesty with which he showed his feelings and we are very close again. By the way, Jess, I find it laughable that YOU criticize me for bathroom make-outs. If I had a dollar for every time I've seen you duck into a public restroom with a new friend.... (Ha. Love you!) Anyway, I look like a jerk at the dinner but I got caught up in an unexpected moment with Rebecca and things just happened -- no excuses there.
When I got the phone call about Doug being seriously ill, so many things went through my mind. I was shocked because I had no idea that Doug was so ill. I was scared for him and his state of mind because he had no family for support. I was heartbroken on many levels. I did not like dealing with his sickness in such a public way because I felt it was deeply personal, but realized that I had to deal with it in order to explain his disappearance. Watching him in this episode coughing and in the beginning stages of sickness made me cry because I know what is to come... All I could think of at the time of that call is: What is Doug's state of mind right now? Does he know that so many people love him and he's not alone?
I was worried about your reactions and am relieved that you all, for the most part, get it. This is a TV show, no matter how heroic a person seems, we are all flawed and there's nothing like a camera to really emphasize that. Think about this -- one week's shooting for me (roughly 12 hours a day, six days week) ends up being cut into the one hour show you all see. Tons of stuff goes on during that time, but it's edited down to make a cohesive story. I hope that it is evident how much passion I have for what I do and how much I truly care for people. For those of you that are struggling with weight, homosexuality, loneliness -- I hope you can use these blogs to support one another and know that we are all very similar and connected to each other. Aspire not to be perfect, just to love and nurture the qualities you like best in yourself and work hard on the ones you don't. PS: Thanks to all who have written in and asked about the breakfast shake and the cool necklaces all the trainers wear. Watch for both items to be available very soon at skysportspa.com. Thanks.
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