Before I discuss the events from this past week's episode. I want to briefly address some questions that continuously come up. Regarding the oh-so-fun topic of Jesse calling me a slut for the second time now. This verbal tirade wasn't bothersome for the reasons one might think.
I truly believe it is impossible to hurt or offend someone with words unless the person being attacked believes, on some level, that the insults are true. I also believe when you engage in name calling...nine times out of ten...what your saying is really a projection of how you feel about yourself. I try to make it a practice in life, which I have yet to master, to ask myself and get real with myself if the anger I feel toward someone is really about him or her. I slipped up. I let Jesse's words in for a second and that gave them power. It is none of my biznich what Jesse or anyone thinks of me.
Feel free to hate me or love me or not care either way. I might go mad if I allowed others opinion of me dictate my life. Can you imagine?
Which brings me to this weeks episode and Jesse apologizing. I remember when we were filming this day and Jesse came up to me and said he was sorry for attacking me. Right after we hugged he said he had three more apologies to film and we laughed. I know he was sorry...not for what he said or how he behaved...but because of how he came across. I harbor no resentment. I find having anger in my heart only hurts me. I let it go...Jesse is great and so hilarious. I appreciate him for those qualities. How great does Jackie look in this episode!
So strong and ambitious. I feel I am learning so much from having her in my life. I think we provide each other with things the other is lacking. It is such a nurturing relationship and I am so grateful for her. On a personal note...we had our first little fight this past Sunday. We went to this charity event and she said dress casual so of course I showed up at her house a bit on the dressy side. She was in jeans and a T-shirt and looked stunning as she uttered through clenched teeth: "I said CASUAL." She rolled her eyes with a look of angst/ disappointment, "Great...now I have to change!" as she stormed out of the room. I pleaded, "This IS casual. Jackie come on. We don't have to match our styles!" Long story short...she stayed in the jeans and we went on our merry way. Not five minutes later she said she was sorry for being snappy and I said sorry for not listening to her apparel instructions! We even fight healthy!! For those inquiring...
What I'm listening to: This week I can't get enough of Lily Allen!!! Love love love her!!!
What's in my fridge: almonds ... diet root beer ... turkey dogs from Trader Joes ... pomelo (favorite fruit on earth!) ... leftover sushi (which I'm throwing out right now) ... magic cookies (belong to my roommates) ... smoked turkey ... wheat toast ... eggs ... 1000 condiments ... Nutella.