Lions, and Cougars, and MILFs ... Oh My!

It’s the end of my first week with Bethenny and my first time accompanying her at an appearance. I swear to God I think my hair got bigger since last week. It looks like I took a fork and stuck it into an electrical outlet. I was excited to see Bethenny in action at the JCC event because I knew one of her greatest strengths was her aptitude to engage an audience through wit, truth, and the ability to relate. This is where I felt I’d be able to learn the most from her.

I was, however, a bit distracted to say the least. I stepped into the house, took one look around, and all I could think was, "Old Mc Donald had a farm, e-i, e-i MILF. With a MILF, MILF here and a MILF, MILF there, here a MILF, there a MILF, everywhere a MILF, MILF."

I figured Bethenny would mingle with the guests, make small talk, snap photos, and give a speech. I didn’t think I needed to be by her side the entire time. I was very wrong. One person after another approached her, and although Bethenny always puts on a happy face, you could see how after a while that can get annoying.

I was off hunting cougars with my bow and arrow instead of making sure Bethenny was taken care of. It was the absolute wrong thing to do, but hey, next time you’re a 24-year-old guy and get tossed into a room chock full 'o MILF, let me know how you respond. I think Bethenny is a great wing-woman. Giving me a nice shout out at the beginning of her speech definitely offset the necessity to run my head under the sink the other night.

But seriously, I should have been more focused. Bethenny hired me because I told her I was on the ball and one step ahead of things. Calling the car to pick us up after the event had ended as opposed to fifteen minutes prior demonstrated the exact opposite of being one step ahead. I appreciated how Bethenny responded, though. She was well within her rights to lose her patience and chew me out, however, she was quite calm and instructive which I was grateful for given how careless I was.

By the way ... the jolly green Jew, Elvira, was nuts.

I didn’t mean to make Bethenny and Shawn feel old during our slow dance. I guess I shot myself in the foot just by opening up my mouth. How do people a decade, two decades older than me dance when they go out? Certainly not like the way we do now, I figured. These are the things that keep me tossing and turning while I lay in bed at night. With the wedding a mere four weeks away, the mayhem has just begun.