It's a Great Quote from Jeff Lewis' Office

Jenni on Jeff's outfit: "Did you just come from the set of Mr. Roger's?"

Jenni on the tampon talk: "We do need to probably set up some ground rules, like don't talk about people's bathroom habits in front of the entire office."

Zoila to Jeff: "Your poo poo don't smell?"

Jeff on teasing Zoila: "It's a little cruel, but I just love it."

Jeff on Andrew's need to be employed full time: "I'm not saying that I'm going to take advantage of the situation, but I'm going to take advantage of the situation."

Jeff on pranking Andrew: "I would say Jeff Lewis Design is a fraternity. There's a certain amount of hazing that goes on here."

Jeff explains his need for a generator: "There are a lot of rolling blackouts. Basically what happens is when the power goes out the air conditioning doesn't work, the Jacuzzi doesn't work, and my vodka gets warm."

Jeff on Jenni talking about her wedding: "She's gonna stretch this out until we're all vomiting...blood."

Jeff: "I don't mind an immediate no. As long as I can turn that immediate no into a yes."

Jenni: "The Greeks like to party. And then nap. And then party"

Zoila fishing for compliments: "And what about the Zoila?"

Jeff on Jenni's large guest list: "I do know that if you get hit by a bus, you'll invite the busdriver to the wedding."

Jenni on Andrew's bridesmaid dress modeling: "He's clearly rocked a short dress before."

Andrew on cabinet pulls: "I heard that once you go black, you don't go back."

Jeff on Andrew's inappropriate comment: "If you can focus on your work and not Frank's penis, that would be really helpful."

Jenni's argument to Lisa for raising the budget: "You said you might even be buried there, so let's make it nice."

Jenni's trade off for lowering the contractor's estimate: "I will come perform as a rapping lizard or an animal of your choice."

Andrew: "Other times I’d rather slurp rancid tuna fish salad out of Nancy's ass."

Jeff: "People who have jobs do not pet sit. That is ridiculous."

Jenni: "I was told one of the employees felt very uncomfortable when you brought up her urinary habits, so unfortunately I have to write you up."

Gage: "I'm the wrong person to try and get sympathy from. It's just not available."

Jeff while waiting for a client: "We found productive ways to pass the time which was racing each other down the hall in moon boots."

Jeff: "Speaking of chorizo, are you going to see Jonathan this weekend?"

Jeff to Zoila: "I don't know if that plant speaks Spanglish."

Jeff on Andrew's failings: "If you forget another thing in 24 hours, I'm going to write dipsh-- on your forehead."

Gage on Jeff's hiring practices: "Jeff's ideal candidate is entertaining and making just awful comments about inappropriate things at the office."

Jeff on Jenni's weight: "You've got like a donkey booty right now."

Jenni on Jeff's "sexual mileage": "Jeff gets to get a tour of the cockpit, if you know what I mean when I say cockpit..."

Jeff on rehiring Andrew despite his lying: "And he didn’t murder anyone, as far as I know."

Grandma Patty: "I hate my grandson."

Jeff on Jenni's need to lose weight before her impending nuptials: "It's really truly going to be My Big Fat Greek Wedding"

Jeff: "If Gage and I ever break up, I would consider just dating a blow up doll."

Jeff threatening his grandmother: "Unless you want to go into a home, I'd be real careful."

Jeff on Gage's moping: "Debbie downer is not happy, and Debbie is going to remind me every chance she can that she wants to move into Gramercy."

Jeff on Jonathan's bachelor party: "How many hookers has he lined up?"

Jeff: "We all know I'm not above whoring out my employees for discounts."

Jeff on Jonathan's bachelor party: "You gave him the green light to dry hump a stripper."

Jeff on Zoila's sass: "I just think that most people would shut the fuck up and clean the cat box."

Zoila while looking for a date: "I'm looking that way, married. I'm looking that way, gay. I look in front, Jeffrey. Oh my gosh, I say no, this is not my day."

Jeff: "By the way, Jenni's family's praying right now, and you're telling condom jokes."

Jeff on the reception: "I think it made the Rose Parade look like a high school production."

Jeff during the wedding speeches: "Everytime they say 'God' we have to drink."

JEff: "Look at Jenni, even with all that make up she found someone."

Zoila on her nickname for Gage: "You know your name, 'Barbie Bitch.'"

Andrew: "He was about as useless as tits on a nun."

Jeff on Zoila and Gage's reconciliation: "What I don't want is just like birds chirping, and butterflies, and rainbows. I don't want to live that way."