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First off, let me say that tonight's show was hysterical. Not just because KG called not quite 3-years-old Mason Disick a "fucker" a thousand times or asked her mother if she thought Cesar Milan could have had sex with a dog. No, that's just not it.
OK, well, maybe that really was quite enjoyable, but being positioned on the studio floor, I got to witness the energy of a show coming together. Watching KG just deliver line after killer line, all with the grace of a proper TV host, it really felt like things were coming together. Hey, we’re making a proper television program! I’ve worked on a quite a few start-up late night shows, and this one is actually fresh and funny, with the usual side of insanely stressful. But admittedly, that’s the thrill for me. The audience is clapping along to the theme song, Maggie is hearing Kathy without much trouble, and I am learning when to press my microphone button.
Ah yes, the button. You see, if I want to talk to KG, I have to press a little button that's built into my podium. This is not a forgiving button. You really have to push this bitch. Total calorie burner to press and hold ‘er down. Why do I have this "push to talk" button and not a futuristic, wireless microphone you ask? Well, you don't want to hear me say all the “producery” type comments I make under my breath piped over the studio and into your living room or my nasally “too enthusiastic laugh” crapping on KG’s jokes do you? No. Well, maybe? You don’t. Thus, we have to ixnay the wireless. By the way, I am NOT self-conscious...clearly. Point is, I’d be disrupting the show the whole time if I had an open vocal gateway, as a result ruining the show. A button is good for me. It really makes me think when and if I should engage KG. So if KG happens to ask me a question, I have to remember to hit the button. Haven’t been caught yet with my big lips flapping sans sound, but I wouldn‘t be surprised if that happened down the line. Not that it will. I’m a professional. Maybe you’ve noticed that Tiffany has a hand-held microphone going that she just has to speak into. It seems simple, but is it? I don’t know about you, Bravo blog reader, but it takes real discipline not to yammer into a mic like you’re totally smashed at a karaoke bar in the middle of Koreatown. “Oh my god, I hate singing. It is soooo embarrassing”. Cut to three drinks later. “OK, gimme that thing, I’m gonna sing, ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ because I like, totally was in love with Axl when I was 14. I’m seriously, like, really good at his voice. Trust me. I’m not scared. Whatever!” So Tiffany, I salute you. That’s real self-control.
Anyway, hope you’re all enjoying watching Kathy as much as we love making it each week. And if you ever happen to see me speak with no audio, you can tell all of your pals that I am “button challenged”. OK, no one will ever care, but I have to talk about something here.
Also would like to mention that I had to have my picture taken for this blog tonight by the Bravo photographer who used a real camera and not his phone to do so. Amazing! The look on the audience’s face all read a resounding, “Why?” Not at all mortifying or weird. Alright, that’s all I got. There’s another show to start planning or at least talk about starting to plan. See ya next week but also tonight at 10 on Bravo...from the producer’s podium.