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Nobody's Perfect

Lori Zaslow thinks Pele was too hung up on finding a partner with no flaws.

By Lori Zaslow

"The love we give away is the only love we keep."
-- Elbert Hubbard

Let me be really clear as I repeat myself:

1. Dating is a game. Love is not.
2. Love is a process. So is our service.
3. To find your soul mate you must be ready to work on YOURSELF. Your flaws are not all loveable, even to your soul mate.
4. A soul mate is also not a PERFECT person. They are someone who brings out your best potential thus leading to a more fulfilling life. Sustaining this relationship for life is typically VERY CHALLENGING.
5. Hence, they do not come wrapped in a little bow on a silver platter ready to personally heal and fulfill all of your unmet needs. You have to GIVE, COMPROMISE, and often SACRIFICE -- happily.
6. Long-lasting love takes hard work and daily maintenance.
7. Everyone has a lot to learn about love.
8. There is more than one someone for everyone.
9. Have the courage and find the strength to GET VULNERABLE for love.
10. When it is real, it's all worth it.

Pele seemed like a ball of charm, wit, and coming from a seed of elite success -- the perfect package. And here we have our first problem. He is critical of others over very little, probably because he thinks the goal in life is to be perfect. Thus he fears getting vulnerable enough to let love reflect back the very thing he needs to learn about to grow and mature -- his imperfections. In this space you just get permanently stuck in a one-sided dead end relationship with yourself and a history of supposedly "not good enough” exes. Shante was exactly what he swore he wanted. What happened to his last "love" so deeply affecting him that she altered his milkshake preferences forever? Horror movies were a hard limit for him? Protective shell -- NO DEPTH. But deep down at the "soul" level, you sense why you are alone and you slowly find it harder to truly love yourself.

Being One of the Guys
Why do we all think we have to be perfect to deserve love? Love is compassion and empathy. It's not only a thing you get, it's also a thing you do -- a verb AND a noun. Remember the Golden Rule?

Brendan's second date with Justine was the perfect example of the "work" paying off. Open, positive, gently self-deprecating, willing to work on his flaws, getting vulnerable, taking a risk, and being more of himself – he showed her what was behind the hilarious and equally protective shell. And the boy becomes a man. According to most women I know, a strong man is someone who can say, "I'm a little nervous," without falling apart or looking like a wuss. Not the smoothest date, but a great match like Justine found him just endearing enough to give him another chance.
Being the Wingwoman

Think of the dating game as soul mate training. The rejection, loss, and hurt of the past can heal if you do the work on your path to finding "the one." So, take a deep breath and fall in love. Repeat.
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