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No Quiero Taco Bell

Our Associate Editor ponders the proper time for an Edible Arrangement, the design lessons from Taco Bell, and decorating with your ex-boyfriend.

Hello my little London-ites,

Pour yourself a spot of tea and sit down for a tour through the shopping in foggy old England. Or if you’re more Mary's client Dru, unwrap a Gordita Crunch and prepare to learn a bit about decorating.

We open with Kathryn and Jacqueline packing for the Ireland's trip to London. She’s off to decorate the home of a former flame so obviously making room in the suitcase for her fur hat and leather pants is a must. Unfortunately the leather pants look better on Jacqueline, so they must be sacrificed to the greater good. I think this wardrobe arrangement is going to work out though, when Ireland and her future Mr. are getting off of the plane and Jacqueline shows up to pick them up at the airport wearing the pants, she’ll surely meet a future boyf as well. Knowing this is exactly how this will work out the ladies toast because it is “always cocktail hour somewhere in the world.” Amen to that.

On to decorating related matters, Kathryn is across the pond decorating for a former boyfriend So You Think You Can Dance judge Nigel Lythgoe James. We don’t get a lot of information about James background, except that he loves 1920s furniture and is handsome. Kathryn’s looking to give his home a look that will please the ladies -- herself included. Kathryn’s handiwork looks pretty great, but she seems to think her work will never be done -- because “I just want to marry James and live here.” I kinda hope this works out for these crazy kids. Someone’s got to ensure Kathryn doesn’t eat her dog’s ashes and keep those boys out of the pool.

Meanwhile, the other Briton is also home in England, shopping for online sale site One Kings Lane. Martyn needs to assemble about a 100 items to fill out a phenomenal sale. However, his idea of “discount” still needs to be up to his rigorous “delicious”-ness standards, so there’s lots of kerfuffle over ice buckets and un-upholstered chaises. Eventually, after Martyn wears many hats, the gang manages to come to a consensus and Martyn even manages to snag a tray for Elton John (which corrals his candles from being in the wind, ELTON JOHN JOKE). Hoorah.

Jeffrey and Ross are still tooling away with Hungry Cat. After SconceGate has been settled there’s a new issue at hand -- Flooring Situation 2011. Jeffrey is not at all pleased with the hangover bistro tile from restaurants past. So he does what any good decorator does: he rips the floors out without telling his business/pleasure partner because he doesn’t want to ruin their weekend.


Well my Monday's shot!

Well, once the sun sets on Sunday, all is not well and good. This is going to be a budget disaster and the chef is less concerned with the floors and more concerned with what folks are going to eat. Are people going to have to balance their chairs on the edge of these floor craters because they can’t afford the 50k oak panels JAM and Ross found? Will people be dining and dashing by digging holes to China through the open spaces. We’ll have to wait until next week to see, because the only resolution we get from Jeffrey/Ross is a fabulous scene in which we learn Ross is Claudia Schiffer and Jeffrey would never lean on furniture.

And finally I'm able to address the greater issues with Edible Arrangements.

Raise your hand if you would be offended by a fruit bouquet. Would you say no thanks if those flower-shaped melons could net you $1.5 million dollars? It's an interesting proposition, but one that the Miss Mary McDonald has little to know problem making.

Well, let's be honest. Her client Dru has a few other problems besides her affinity for cantaloupes carved into roses. Dru is a bit bubbly. "She's bubbly, like a bubbly glass of something." She doesn't understand the differences between pastel and magenta. She wants to put the gym in the foyer. She loves the way the carpet and the floor intersect. It's bleak. The Taco Bell aesthetic (and not even Combination Pizza Hut/Taco Bell eclectic) is going to be tough to finagle. And then this happens:

Nail, meet coffin. There's no coming back from that. Problem solved. 

Next week Nathan and Mary jaunt to High Point, land of the giant chair and furniture market, while Kathryn takes in a plethora of purple lemonades poolside. Until then Tweet us with your fav decorator and leave your opinion on the proper fruit basket contents in the comments. 

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