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Purity is Delicious

Our Associate Editor ponders the taste of symmetry, and other items from this week's episode.

This episode we see Mary serving a bit as her own client. The lady to please here is Mary -- though isn't it Always. Mary needs some imagery for her book, but photos are not preferred. Instead she'd like a spirited illustration that captures her real vibe.

I'm not sure that's possible, considering how many layers there are to the Mary McDonald onion and because sketches steal your soul and all (or is that photos I can never recall). But her friend Konstantin is on board and after a meeting where they briefly yell at each other about returning calls (Mary weasels out of it by mentioning that he looks thin, a trick that always works), she heads to his house.

(It's worth noting that Mary is extremely late to her sitting, and Kathryn is also an hour and a half late to her job. You know what they say, "if time is money theses folks have enough to pay for it.")

Anyway when Mary arrives things are really kicking. She's attempting to steal his Marie Antoinette breast bowl, maintaining a weight that's one level above anorexia, fidgeting and questioning the "devil babies" the artist has previously sketched -- really being the perfect model. So this is bound to work out. JK! It does and her sketch looks fabulous -- even if the caricature version could be president of the Junior League.


I look good.

Tell me fellow viewers, when you imagine MLB at breakfast is it like it was in this episode? In your mind was he sitting, casually draped in a silk rope, chest hair in view, surrounded by hydrangeas and crystal plates talking to Joe Francis?

I had to pause it to double check, but it was in fact just like my dreams.  

After promising his pooch Mexican treats (which are what exactly?), he heads to Mexico to straighten things out at Casa de Francis.

And despite the scenic setting, things are awry. Dead flies are cock-blocking the sexy. Symmetry is being held back, holding back purity, and therefore deliciousness. It's possible Jen Aniston could be sitting on birds--t. After Joe Francis gets into major tizz territory (that anger and Mexican sun had him sweating) Matryn had to fix the ball arrangement and this slapdash staff quick.

Of course he did, after a whirlwind tour through the sweeping mansion and some pillow fluffing demonstrations. The staff was ironing rugs the right way before you could say "Girls Gone Wild," and all was as it should be for his impending wedding.


Missed a spot

Meanwhile the JAM boys are trying their darndest to find a gym that lives up to their immaculate taste. CrossFit has proximity, but not pretty on it's side, and since no one is going to hire a fatty (JAM's words), he's got to keep working out there. The solution -- fix the gym's showers.

I have to, have to address the idea of bathing at a gym. I love you Jeffrey Alan Marks, I do. I think you're brilliant. I have dreams about your kitchen wallpaper, but the chances of me ever bathing at a gym are so low it's impossible to see them without a microscope. For serious, no way. Never. Maybe my hovel of a gym isn't as luxurious as other places (we have a nice chalkboard calendar though), but I'm not getting into tub there unless there is a fresh plastic liner every time I arrive, and that's actually even more disgusting now that I say it out loud.

JAM puts one of his Demetra gals on it, but unfortunately she's not moving up to Number 1 status until she gets the square drain from Waterworks he requested. After some cajoling and some personal demolition (and thankfully many, many shots of shirtless Jeffrey and Ross -- which take a moment to look at their photo diary -- it's precious), it works out and looks really, really fab. I pine for those navy blue penny tile floors. Perhaps if my gym had them, I would be spending less time convincing myself that a doing YouTube workout videos is enough physical fitness. Kudos JAM, Ross, and D2!

Nathan only briefly graces us with his cherub face as he attempts to outwit Mary for a pair of studded stools and convince her of the splendor of her painting from Konstantin. I too love the sketch but I do recommend he not ink it permanently on his back. (One of the pugs perhaps, but not the whole affair.) Also stop bringing your dog to Mary's, apparently people are doing that a lot.

Next week Mary has a problem client (those floors are phenomenal, cool it lady) and Martyn gets to play in the Jimmy Choo founders sex pit (yay!), are you excited or what? Also leave a comment. How many commodes is too many commodes? Methinks seven! Would you bathe at your gym?

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