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Hello my marigolds. Are you ready to party? I certainly hope so, because I, like Mary McDonald, have a purse full of cocktails and unlike Jeffrey Alan Marks, I am having no problems getting the bottle open or not breaking a glass (I'm serving y'all in plastic cups because, like Nathan Turner, I blew the budget on my arrival by elephant).
This week a lot is happening. People are settling their differences in the tub, garlands are being strung, pictures are getting blown up beyond the Walgreen's photo department's capabilities. Basically, all of our decorators are busy little bees so let's dive right in.
Mr. Martyn Lawrence Bullard is hard at work for the one and alone Daisy Fuentes, MTV VJ extraordinaire. Daisy's putting Martyn to the test by having him create a Cuban-inspired living room and then if she likes, allowing him to expand to the rest of the house. To dazzle Fuentes he avoids creating an America’s Funniest Home Video and skips ahead to create a massive lovely mural thanks to the backdrop folks at Warner Brothers. I have to gush about this for a second because I had my doubts. What if they had printed out the wrong backdrop and we'd be in X-Men: First Class, or what if not covering the whole wall made the image look shrimpy and strange? But I tip my hat to you MLB. That photo looked ravishing blown up, like a delightful decrepit room just out of reach. You earned that Scotch!
Meanwhile, JAM HQ is mobile and visiting the Hungry Cat restaurant they've been tinkering with since Episode 1. With Demetra 1 in tow they examine the portholes they so carefully chose and start getting down to brass tacks about how St. Barth's the oyster bar should be. Also Ross is wearing Oliver Twist suspenders, which is obviously of note.
Please, sir. I want some more
Unfortunately, his sartorial choices are more appreciated than his design input this week, and JAM and Ross are in a bit of lighting limbo. Jeffrey needs a second to get his vision together. He's a slow drip coffee pot, and the little instant coffee Ross needs to back up. This leads to what I think will be the future schoolyard taunt of decorators everywhere:
What restaurants have you designed in the world?
Snap! Ya burnt, Ross. Ya burnt. . .
Meanwhile, we finally get to see the precious Nate doing his thing -- creating a chic shindig inspired by his travels to India. I cannot even with this party. The super saturated colors, the strands of marigolds, the so attractive help -- it looked truly divine. Of course there was a bit of stress in there. Mary was none too fond of the haphazard pillow arrangement, the entire fete was being shot for Elle Decor. No surprise, Turner pulled it off effortlessly, because he's adorable. We barely saw him break a sweat, whereas most regular humans would have ordered all the saag paneer and house wine from the local Indian joint, put it on the table, and called it a day.
Do yourself a favor and immediately watch this bonus clip of Nathan and Mary shopping in L.A.'s Little India. Bliss.
Because Nate is so joyous the party was quite the jubilant affair. Mary was in top form serving drinks from her purse. Jeffrey and Ross, though not wearing saris, attended -- and then we saw Kathryn Ireland dance.
Watching Kathryn Ireland's lightbulb dance w as illuminating. Someone get this woman a Bollywood career and fast. I couldn't help but think of the Kristen Wiig actress character on SNL who was once a star in the play about the Bombay Gang (my Googling attempts are failing me) -- she does basically the same dance and it's one of my favorite things ever. Who knew the lightbulb replacement could become so seductive?Let's back up briefly from Kathryn's illustrious Indian dancing career and discuss her Madame Clouseau look. Kathryn decides the way to assert herself is to don some diamonds. And so she and Jacqueline go on a quest for the perfect pair of studs to sit under Ireland's bucket hat. If only this scene had gone more madcap detective -- a nice montage of Kathryn and Jacqueline on the quest for diamonds, rifling about in old museums and generally on the case. We'd animate it, and the cartoon could run every Saturday morning. Madame Ireland and the Crime-Solving Maid. Anywho, the diamonds were recovered.
So finally we return to the home of JAM as they attempt to sort out their differences. After all those cocktails (and nearly hired interns), the solution presented itself -- sconces and a hot bath. How could you resist either?
Next week Martyn's off to London and Mary's off to Taco Bell (or so it seems). I can barely wait for her to expunge the Gordita-feel from this abode. What was your favorite moment this week? The dog licking Mary's face? Jacqueline existing? Who's your favorite decorator? Why don't you tweet about it?