It's hard to believe I only have eleven weeks to go and counting. It feels like yesterday when I had just discovered I was pregnant. The funny thing is, when I took my first test, we had only been trying for a week. It was 8am and I had just woken up. No contact lenses in, and no patience, I blindly opened that pee stick! A moment later, I only saw one line. Disappointed, I threw out the test and climbed back into bed to snuggle. An hour or so later, I thought to myself, I'm in denial, but something compelled me to dig into the garbage and look at it again. And there it was... Another faint pink line! My husband was in such disbelief he made me take two more tests! Now at 8am in the morning, we can feel our little girl doing acrobatics in my tummy. I can also feel her kicking me in the ribs! J
I wrote a song about my hubby, the changes we are experiencing, and it's to my daughter to be. I have been so blocked as a song writer after my band broke up. But now, finally, I realized that my baby is an inspiration in so many ways. Not just in song but in love and in life. Anyway, the flood gates have opened, and I can't stop writing poems and songs to her. I'm already hoping my voice can soothe her when she's upset. In other news, I am hoping that someone could help my hubby understand that yes we need two different strollers, a bouncer, and a swing! Supposedly these are life savers. I'm also hoping that someone could explain to strangers and acquaintances alike that telling a pregnant woman she is going to be huge is really, really rude and quite annoying! It totally baffles me that people have no filter. And just when I think I've heard it all, I haven't.
Today is week thirty, which means only ten more weeks to go. Oh my sweet Lord. I've also been reading up on the birthing process. I am going to try to avoid a cesarean at all costs. I am not passing judgment, they certainly have saved lives. It just seems the rate is so high. It seems like they are given at the drop of a hat. I also keep wondering, will she come on time? Or will she be late? I keep imagining what birth will be like. Mostly what she will be like, who she'll look like? I've had some pretty weird dreams about it too. I've read that pregnancy brings crazy dreams. Well I can say that at least in my case it's totally true! The last dream I had was that I was in the hospital and they handed me the baby naked. She had a head full of dark hair and Steve and I were laying in the hospital bed with her, and she just kept smiling. Then the weird part came. Suddenly we are at my parents' house and I guess I had been sleeping. So I wake up to find them in the kitchen trying to swaddle the baby in napkins on the table -- and the weirdest part was they were using a silver food platter as a changing mat! So bizarre.
It's amazing how pregnancy brings together many different cultures. Especially among women. I've noticed this a lot recently. Living near and working in a big city, I have to take mass transportation. So I take the bus a lot. The other day, there were no seats. It was crowded too but I try not to play the pregnancy card too often, and I didn't try to get a seat. All in the course of five minutes, an elderly Russian woman insists that I take her seat. Of course I tell her not to worry, and that I will be fine. However, she practically yelled at me that I had no choice and that I was not to stand. I of course being really respectful of my elders eventually agreed. As I went to sit down, the bus swerved and people were shoving past me. Another elderly woman grabbed my hand and waist in a very protective manner. I was so incredibly touched by these strangers' care and concern, it gives me hope that there is still kindness in this crazy world. Kindness is contagious, and I plan on teaching my Emma that.
I never thought this part of pregnancy would happen to me. My fingers are so swollen and irritated, and I can't get my wedding rings on. I don't want to complain too much because I understand there are women out there who have it way worse than me, but it does make me sad. I cried about this and toilet paper the other day. This leads me to the next part of my story. Of course the first day I don't wear my rings, the one pervert in NYC has to talk to me! I am walking, trying to enjoy my bagel with veggie cream cheese (which is my daily craving), and this creep comes up to me. He is totally checking me out, belly and all, and saying, "Hey mama your man is so lucky. I'd like to be your baby's daddy if you need one for that baby inside of you!" EWW! Gross.
I've been waking up every morning concerned about two things. One, how to make sure the baby is comfortable and safe in her car sear when we take her home from the hospital. Two, which area of our one bedroom apartment do we make the nursery and how can we organize and utilize these two big walk in closets we have with slanted ceilings. I do have hope because we just moved in and the apartment is way nicer than our last one. I just hope my hubby is on the ball with this one. Time is running out!
Today marks thirty two weeks for me! Sometimes I look in the mirror and it is so surreal. There's no turning back now kids, we will be the three musketeers soon!
I was listening to my iPod today, rockin' out and daydreaming about getting another band together or performing. Then it dawned on me, I don't think I will feel comfortable leaving the baby for quite some time. I would probably worry the whole night or feel guilty. I don't want to loose who I am, but I realize this baby must come first. I'm fine with that of course. I just hope that I eventually find a balance of still being a rocker and being artistic, being a great wife, and being a great mom. And of course you know Steve and I are thinking of eventually tattooing her name on ourselves!
Just when you think you have everything you need for a baby, you don't. I have been not only on an emotional rollercoaster, but I've been feeling a bit panicked. We have our nursery basically, which is amazing. Then I realized I need diapers, baby toiletries, all this stuff I never thought of as well. Deep breath, Lisa.
It's amazing that in literally one day POOF! Your body changes again! It's not that I look much bigger, but this baby dropped. I feel like I am carrying around a huge bowling ball! I started out 101 lbs. I am now 126. And most of it is in the belly, which I am grateful for. However, the price to be paid is a lot of back pain and pressure towards the wazoo area if you know what I mean. Everyone thinks she is going to come out early, I could use another week or two!
It's getting harder and harder than I thought in these last few weeks. It's amazing how in literally one day your body can transform. Supposedly Emma has dropped, and boy can I feel it. Pain, pressure, lower back pain, you name it. I find myself wondering if any little pain or pressure here and there is a sign of labor. I am starting to get a bit nervous, but I know with Steve by my side everything will be OK.