Chanel: A Broken Heart, But Not for Long!

What an episode! This blog is dedicated to all women out there who has had their heart broken by a man! 

I still can't believe I had my heart so broken, especially on national television! Now that was one of the toughest and most raw moments I ever had to go through! I was heartbroken once before by the first love of my life, who I met in college! Ever since we broke it off, I always told myself I would never allow my heart to be broken again. But what I am learning is, you can't control falling in love.

It was really hard to let go of my relationship with Mike and face the fact that he wasn't in love with me anymore and left me for a younger woman. I think that was one of the hardest parts of the break-up -- feeling not good enough for him. I am already having issues with my age, so it's devastating to feel like one of those women who has been left for a younger woman! Ouch! that doesn't feel good.

I know I am only 28, but in my community it's like being an old maid! Everyone who I know from my community has gotten married at age 22, and they have babies by age 25. Not to mention that my baby sister is getting married, which doesn't help ease the pressure. 

I feel like I needed to get to know who I was before I committed myself to someone else for a lifetime. Thank G-d I didn't marry Mike because I would have been miserable, and it would have been a huge mistake. Everything does happen for a reason, and I know I will meet the "one" when the time is right. 

We call our soul mates in Hebrew "besheret," and  I am still on my journey to find him. I haven't lost hope, and the most important thing is to stay strong and love yourself before you find your other half who will love you wholeheartedly. I actually learned a lot from this break-up and learned no woman deserves to be treated the way I have been treated. It's better to be alone than to be with a man who loves himself more than you, who isn't loyal to you, and who isn't certain of your future together. Loyalty and trust are two main ingredients for a healthy and successful relationship -- without those two things a relationship isn't worth having. I have learned that the best type of love is unconditional love because to me, that's the most beautiful type of love that lasts forever, and that's what I am aiming to find because I believe every woman deserves that no matter how fairytale-like that sounds.

I am trying to find a happy medium when it comes to feeling confident about being single at my age and trying to find my own independence. 

I should have known better than to go for a younger guy. Note to self: never date a younger guy no matter how mature he is -- ha! But in all seriousness, I didn't see age. I was just in love with him as a person and loved him unconditionally, and I was betrayed by him. 

I thought he was my last chance at love because that's how he made me feel. He made me feel that I found the love of my life and he was the only one who could make me feel loved,  but what I realized is that no one can make you feel anything but yourself. If someone can be so quick to leave you, then that person doesn't deserve you! I realized I gave him everything and lost my independence along the way! I think what I needed most from this break-up was CLOSURE, and I finally got that when Mike showed up to my house! Finally, I wasn't confused. For the first time in the midst of this break-up, I had clarity that I wasn't going to fall for his manipulations anymore. At one point, I felt like the break-up was all my fault. But I realized it takes two to tango. We all have to be responsible for our own actions, and we all have to own our mistakes and know its OK to admit to them and move on from them. I just wish Mike could see what I see, but I can't teach someone to see the obvious. He needs to grow on his own, and I truly only wish him the best and success. It took a long time, but I finally reached the point of letting go, forgiving him, and moving on. The main secret of getting over a break-up is forgiveness. For so long, I thought something was wrong with me because he broke up with me so coldly. I've never been broken up with by a text. I guess there's a first time for everything. 

But I realized it was his own issues that he needed to figure out, and there was nothing I could do anymore to keep the relationship going. He actually did me a favor by leaving me the way he did. I am better off without him and have become a stronger woman from this break-up. 

Break-ups are tough, especially when your ex tries to come back and forth in to your life and doesn't let you move on, and that's what he did when he showed up uninvited! He did this to me twice already. The first time he broke up with me, I was devastated, then he tried fighting for me back, telling me he would make it up to me. I already had trust issues with him, and he knew he had to fight his way back in to my heart. I tried to give him a second chance because at the time, I believed in second chances. But I realized that he didn't change and will never change. If I continued to allow him to come back in and out of my life then the only one to blame is me. I needed to set a boundary and show him that he can't do what he did to me and think its OK to be in my life at any capacity. He even said he planned a Shabbat dinner to have me over and start over, but he was nowhere to be found when I called him before the Sabbath to confirm our plans. He will always come up with an excuse to cover his tracks. I have learned that I don't want to be w someone who doesn't want to be with me or that it takes a lot of work to be with. 

I was just so proud of myself that I finally stood up to him and called him out on his lies. I def couldn't get through this break-up without my girls, especially Casey, who has been there for me every step of the way when it came to Mike. She really helped me move on and stand up for myself. It's hard to stand up to the ones you love, but thank G-d I have the emotional support system that I have.My father has also helped me move on from my ex. He has been there unconditionally for me and has made me realize that I deserve to be treated like a true princess. I am blessed to have my parents give me the right guidance and support! I don't know what I would do without them, and it's more than OK to get support from your family. If I didn't have my family I think I would be more lost than ever. Besides, I tell my dad everything, and we have a great relationship, and I am truly grateful for it. 

Hopefully one day he will regret what he lost and I will be moved on, in love with someone else! 

This brea- up took such a toll on me that I was so happy to get away with my girls! I was really grateful and happy that Ashlee planned a fun-filled weekend, knowing how much I was going through and wanting me to get my mind off of everything. I really try to keep an open mind in life, especially when it comes to finding love. so Jewish singles camp sounded good to me! 

I never went away to camp in the states. My parents sent me to mini boot camps in Israel (the mini version of the Israeli mini army) to get outside of my sheltered comfort zone on Long Island and see how the rest of the world lives. It was an amazing experience and I learned a lot, especially to be grateful for what you have and what you don't have in life. I also learned to be humble and hustle and that a true Israeli princess is someone who roughs it at times! Can you imagine little Coco lighting a fire with wood and hiking the mountain of Masada twice a day? My booty looked better than ever when I did Gadna (that's what the program was called), it honestly made me stronger and the person I am today!

It did suck that we didn't get a chance to go to Jewish singles camp, but I had so much fun dancing at the bar in CT! I love going out of my comfort zone, meeting new people, and of course dancing!!! I love dancing anywhere! I just want to clarify the comment made about the BJ in the car on the way to Jewish singles camp... I was completely joking! It was inappropriate for me to say that comment, but it was all in good fun and private girl talk! I apologize to my family and friends and everyone who has been offended by that comment and would never want to disrespect the people I love. I too learned there is a time and place to joke about intimate things such as BJs. Oops! 

I usually use dancing and music to try and cope with my struggles in life. I find music and dancing to be soothing mechanisms to mend a broken heart.

I thought that guy Curtis, who I met at the bar in CT, was fun and cool because he wasn't shy to dance, and I had so much fun meeting someone new! I was able to let loose and not think about my ex and the messy situation I had just experienced! I never discriminate when it comes to a great dancing partner.

I was happy to see Joey and Ashlee embrace the bar situation and let loose because it made me feel supported and not alone. Sometimes you just need to have fun with your girls to get over a broken heart. I know that Casey loves me for me and embraces my dance moves, but it doesn't mean she needs to do everything I do. I think the beauty of our friendship is that we are both different and unique in our own ways, yet we bring out the best in one another. 

I was happy to take the driver's seat when it came to hitting on the bartender. He was so cute, and I always encourage my friends that in certain circumstances, it's OK to make the first move on a man. Sometimes men are insecure and shy to make the first move and sometimes when a woman takes the reins, it could be sexier. It also makes me happy to see my friends having fun, and that's all I really wanted to do.I am really happy I didn't go to Body English that night with Erica and Amanda. I never want to pass judgment or seem judgmental. I just worry for my friends and don't want them to look bad or get hurt by anyone. 

I was really upset about Erica's behavior at the club because I know these other guys don't have her best interest at heart, especially the 25-year-old arrogant guy that she was talking to, who has absolutely no respect for her. I am worried about Erica and sincerely want to be there for her. It hurts me to see her doing this to herself. I know Rob and her have had their issues, but it doesn't excuse her for doing what she is doing to herself and their relationship. I hope she understands that I want the best for her and know she is better than this. I was taught to always be there for your friends, especially when you see them going down a bad path and to tell your friend the truth no matter how tough it is. We all go through tough times in our relationships, and I know Rob has put Erica through a lot, but as I always tell her, she should never put herself down just because she's hurt. I do care for her and love her and don't want to see her hurt. I just wish she could see what I see and change. I understand it takes time to work on yourself and find your inner peace. She needs to communicate her feelings to Rob and maybe even take some space from him to figure herself out and better herself, and maybe they need to grow individually in order to grow together later on...

I am proud of Amanda for being a good friend to Erica, especially since none of us were there to stop the situation and telling her how it is and not letting her leave the club with that creep! Sometimes it's hard telling your friends the truth, but a true and real friend will always tell you how it is and help you figure out a way to get out of the darkness and into the light. 

I see how Amanda and Jeff respect one another and love each other so much that it gives me hope that I can and will find that one day. 

Stick around to read my thoughts on next week's episode and remember to embrace your inner princess!

Xo
Coco