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Chanel: "I Am Not Perfect"
Chanel explains what happened with the "blurred woman" at Amanda's party.
Hello my beautiful Bravo readers,
It's been a while! There is a lot to catch you all up on and some clarifying to do. As you know there are always three sides to a story, and here is mine!
I would like to say that I was going through a very difficult time in my life during this episode: my younger sister was getting married, my parents were putting the pressure on me to find someone when I wasn't ready to, especially after my break-up, and to top it all off, my dear grandmother who was such a big part of me, passed away. It wasn’t an easy time in my life, especially living it in the public eye for everyone to see and judge.
I want to be clear that I was and still am very happy for my baby sister and her marriage. I know she found the right one for her, and that's all that matters. Of course there are mixed emotions when it comes to your younger sister getting married. I know I shouldn't rush to be married at my age, but I definitely do get the pressure because it's a Jewish tradition.
I have realized that I don't want to get married until I know myself fully and become the best person I can be because that's the only way I can attract the right one, and I know he's out there.
For the record, I didn't mind trying on the wedding dress because I wanted my sister to enjoy and have fun with this wedding experience, so I did it for her, not for myself. I tried to make the best of the situation, which I always do in life.
I know my mom means well, and she is really the best mother in the world. She only wants the best for me, so she tends to pressure me to find the right guy and start a family because she truly feels I will find true happiness that way, like she did. I just know I am career-driven and want to make something out of myself, and I don't want to settle just yet. I want to find a partner, an equal, and a real man who will be by my side for a long time -- as Missy Elliott says it best: not a "one minute man"! Ha!
I have to say I am sad I didn't end up joining the girls for speed dating because I am sure I would have had a blast with everyone. I love meeting new people, and it seemed fun. Maybe I could have scored a hot date to AB's event and not get caught up in all the drama!I was relieved and grateful that Casey was there for me while I was going through this extremely painful time in my life. She always knows how to make sense out of things and make me feel better. She doesn't judge me. She loves me for me, and that's what a true friend is all about. Thank you, Case, for always having my back.
Next thing I would like to address is AB's party. Before I get into the details, I would like to say that I don't condone my behavior at her party, despite who was in the right or wrong in that fight. I have never fought in my life. I hate confrontation. I get uncomfortable when my friends fight with one another. I always try to keep peace between people because that's how I was raised. I try to give everyone a chance and the benefit of the doubt. Even if someone attacks you verbally or physically, you should always walk away, maintain your integrity, and humble yourself, which I would normally do, but this time I didn't.
I am only human; I am not perfect. I made a mistake, and I am owning up to it and apologizing to anyone I have offended, disappointed, and/or hurt with the choice of words I used or with my behavior that night. I can only learn from my mistakes and better myself as a person all around!
In this situation, I allowed my emotions and anger to get the best of me and lost myself for a hot minute. However, in the moment what I felt was real, and I felt bullied by the "blurred woman" and her friend, and it wasn't shown or heard. I felt helpless, and the only thing I could think of was to protect myself, and I obviously didn't do it in the best way possible. I don't condone bullying, and I get really passionate about stopping it when it happens to others and/or myself.
There was a lot of confusion during this fight because the woman requested to remain anonymous, so that didn't help me much. Ha!
Let me break down the facts for you all and the real truth behind this story:
The " blurred woman" was with a friend, who actually started the fight, who chose not to be on camera. She was on the dance floor with me and Ashlee and decided to start throwing ice cubes (which hurt by the way) at me and threw a drink all over me. AB knows when it comes to her and her business, I am her No. 1 supporter. All I wanted to do was have fun and celebrate AB's event that I know she worked so hard for. I am the last person looking for a fight, and hopefully you will all get to know me better, and realize it. Like Erica said, she has known me for over 10 YEARS, and I have never acted like this. I also want to thank Ashlee for being there for me and really having my back. She really tried her best to defuse the situation as best as she could. I didn't even know these two women! So, why she started with me in the first place will forever be a mystery. After this woman finished throwing ice at me, I tried to be mature. I went up to her and asked her very calmly and diplomatically why she was throwing ice. Instead of a mature response, she proceeded to verbally attack me and pull my hair. After she pulled my hair, I reacted. I don’t believe in violence or that it's the answer when a conflict arises, but I felt the need to defend myself and I lost my rational mind for a moment.
Let’s be clear here: I ended up slapping the drink out of "blurred woman's face,” but never hit her in the chest or physically hit her. The reason I even aggressively pushed the drink out of her hands was because I knew she was going to attack me with it again. It wasn't a wise choice to go back after her. At that point, I should have just left the party for good and not sat back down. Please keep in mind that "blurred woman" was saying derogatory words against my race and religion. Of course no one could hear it because she didn't allow herself to be seen or heard. The "blurred woman" continued to attack me even more, and that's why I told her to get out of my face because she came in to confront me, and I could tell by her facial expressions that she wanted to hit me in the face, so I had to show her the seriousness in my eyes to stop because I didn't want things to get to the point of where they got to in the end. My gut was right; she still continued to instigate the fight, and that's when I was pushed past my breaking point. I want to make it very clear that this isn't to excuse my behavior; it's to state the real facts of what went down. I think it's only fair for everyone to know all the facts. The women ended up explaining the reason they started with me in the first place was because they thought they overheard Ashlee and me “talk badly about the salon,” which I would never do! There was obviously a huge misunderstanding from the get-go. We all ended up making amends.
I want to thank all of my supporters out there who really give me hope and confidence to move on and grow as an individual in all aspects of my life. I was able to grow from this experience for the better, and that's all that matters.
Follow me on twitter @chanelomari to talk more #Princesses, and always remember to embrace your inner princess because we all have it inside of us.
Until next time...