Dear Bravo Readers,
Wow! I don't even know where to begin with this episode! I first want to thank all of you fans for supporting me and always having my back. Without you, I would be nothing! I know some of you are disappointed and/or shocked by my "decisions" from this episode, but before you judge me, please hear me out...
I am not here to point fingers or blame anyone. Everyone is entitled to have their own version of the truth and their own opinions. I respect that. I never took a side and never will because that's not in my nature or how I was raised. I know what it feels like to be an outcast or bullied against, and I would never want any of my friends to feel that in any way.
Since I was a kid, my mother always taught me to never get involved in people's issues or arguments. However, when someone's life is in danger or missing, I was taught to be a good friend and always try to do the right thing no matter what. I couldn't please anyone in that winery, and all I wanted to do was have fun because I love enjoying life since it's too short and I love being positive.
What no one understands is that Ashlee has suffered from a variety of health issues. I am not making any excuses for anyone here, but all the girls are aware of her sickness. I never wanted to take sides and never did in the first place. I don't play "high school" games when it comes to my friends. I love each and everyone of these girls and have a special bond with each and every one of them. I see the beauty in their souls and try to be a great friend to all of them. However, I am realizing that trying to be a good friend to all will just end up leaving you alone.
I always strive so hard for us to be ONE and stick together as women. I never like to see my friends arguing or not getting along. If Joey, Amanda, Casey, or Erica were in Ashlee's position and the tables were turned around, I would have done the same thing for any of them because I pride on being the best friend I can be to all of my girls.
I remember my dad once said to me when I asked him, "Who is your favorite child?" and he answered: "Chanel, you see all my fingers? I can't love one more than the other because they are all equal to me," and I finally understood what he meant by that. I try so hard to keep the peace in this group and try to have everyone see each other's sides. Not everyone is going to get along, and I understand that, but I couldn't just sit back and do nothing. I was trying my best to explain to the girls that I wasn't taking a side, and I was just trying to make peace. I really wanted them to understand that I was going to just talk to Ashlee and try to calm things down and make her see their side of the situation so that we could meet them at the boat and finish the day on a more positive note. I am a problem solver, so I always try to solve problems to the best of my ability. But I am also no g-d or the messiah or Jesus for that matter, so I can't force my friends to listen to me. They are all pretty strong minded women and have every right to their opinions- G-d bless them!
I knew Joey had Amanda and Erica by her side to console her, and even told the girls that, while I tried to get Ashlee to calm down and get her with me on the boat to meet the girls later, so we could all have fun. What no one realizes is that my phone was dying, and that's why I called Casey, so that I could have someone know my whereabouts if G-d forbid something happened. I was trying to be safe in all aspects, but I guess it backfired on me.
I didn't want to disrespect Erica and her parents because I know Rog went out of his way to put this beautiful day of fun together for us. It broke my heart watching Joey cry, especially about her mom because her mom is such a good person, just like she is. Watching my friends take low blows at one another made me feel so helpless. I didn't want anyone to think I was abandoning them, but I also didn't have all the time in the world to explain why I needed to go find Ashlee and why I was worried for her to be alone.
If anything would have happened to her -- G-d forbid -- or to any of these girls, I wouldn't know what to do. I take pride in my friendships and always beat myself up when I disappoint people, but what I am realizing is that I need to start worrying about myself and have my own back because clearly I can't rely on anyone for that. It doesn't seem to me that anyone's really concerned with my feelings or appreciate how hard I try to keep the peace between the group, which really hurts me.
Ashlee has been there for me in my darkest moments and has accepted me for me, and we have been friends for a long time. There are a lot of amazing qualities that you didn't get to see in Ashlee this season, which makes me sad. I really hope you all can have an open mind and an open heart to see why I love her so much.
None of us are perfect, and we all say and do things we don't mean. That's what our late 20s and early 30s are for! I am not saying I condoned Ashlee's behavior at all times or still do. I let Ashlee know when I think she does wrong, and we both talk it out and move on from it.
I wouldn't have felt right if I went on that boat and had fun while I couldn't find my friend, worrying that she probably hitchhiked or maybe got hurt. I had a bad feeling and went with my gut to try and find her. Hopefully, you will understand more of where I was coming from in the finale.
There are crazy things that go on in this world and my mother always taught me that you never leave a friend a lone or behind no matter what the situation is. Despite all of our issues we might have w one another, I still know they all care deeply about Ashlee's well being and that's why my group of girls are so special. Because at the end of the day, we all care about one another! Even Joey has a heart of gold and would be there for Ashlee if she needed her to be. We might have differences and not always see eye to eye but doesn't mean we don't love one another. I'd really rather not deal with this drama. I know most of you think I don't work and have mentioned this many times, but at the time I was just finishing a freelance gig (working and still work), and I really don't have the patience to be involved in drama. Just because I don't brag about work ethic all the time, doesn't mean I don't work very hard to make ends meet, and I do not get any help from my parents!!! I am not going to get in to Ashlee's health issues because I will leave that up to her, but I do want you all to understand that I wasn't in a great position, and it was one of the toughest moments for me when it came to being in the middle of friendships. I have learned that by me being a friend to each of these girls doesn't mean I am taking sides. I can be loyal to each and every one of them if I want to, and people can like it or not like it. All I can ask from you is to allow me to grow when it comes to friendships, family, love, work, and every other aspect in my life. All that matters is that I am true to myself and I am a real person. What you see is what you get. Always stay true to yourself even if it means standing alone or on your own.
I can't wait for you to check out my website ChanelOmari.com, which will be up soon, and hopefully you guys will grow with me on my journey. No one ever said it's easy being a Princess. Follow me @chanelomari so we can talk #Princesses and more
Can't wait for you to see the season finale!