“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” ―Mahatma Gandhi
Reliving this episode was not a lot of fun. Quite honestly, it was like hearing nails on a chalkboard. However, it did happen, so I have to take the time to clear some of the things that occurred up.
First off, I truly hate confrontation. I hate fighting with people and even moreso hate when things are not peaceful, especially when things are not peaceful amongst the people I am spending my time with. At the time, I was friends with both Ashlee and Joey, and it was hard to be in the middle of the issues that they were having. However, I was in that position, and instead of maybe just saying to both of them “I do not want to be involved,” things would have been different. I did try my best, but at some point I was not completely upfront with Ashlee, and for that I do honestly feel bad. I should have owned up to the fact Joey knew she had said certain things about her to me via text/in-person. I felt torn, and in the moment, I just wanted things to be peaceful and just did not have the fight in me. So, I apologize to Ashlee for not being fully upfront with her because I was wrong for that. I am only human, and when faced with constant fighting and confrontation, I panicked. I am not going to make excuses, but I do want to take this time to tell Ashlee I am sorry for what occurred in that entire situation. I am also sorry for any way I hurt Joey.
On to the elephant at the vineyard.. the winery scenario was building up, and it was going to inevitably explode. Throughout the day, prior to lunch and even during lunch, the tension and comments were there. I have the utmost respect for my father and he set up this whole amazing day, and I was terrified at the thought of a fight happening in the middle of the ocean with my father and people he works with. Maybe I should not have brought it up at lunch, but I was hoping for a much different result and hoped maybe things could be talked out and moved past. Clearly, I was very wrong. Overall, I felt horribly that everyone got so heated, and we did not get to fully enjoy the vineyard minus any fighting. It was so upsetting watching Ashlee cry, and Joey cry, and Chanel get frustrated. It was all just so painful and saddening to watch.
Lesson learned: do not mention the elephant… it is not going anywhere.
I have really learned so much about myself from these women and the time we spent together, and have learned that friendship, love, health, and happiness are the most important things in life. I have also been forced to see -- really see -- where I make mistakes and forgive myself for them and move on. I believe true friends allow you to make mistakes and forgive you and stand by you through the good and the bad, just like family does. I want to make this clear by me saying this is not about choosing sides; it's about love. Joey has become a best friend and a sister to me. She is the farthest thing from trash. She is a sparkling diamond, and I love her. She has been nothing but a best friend to me and has always stood by my side, and for that, I'll always stand by her side too.
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