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Have you read the poem If by Rudyard Kipling? That poem gives me a lot of inner strength on tough days, like the one you saw in Montauk, Sunday.
“If can you can keep your head while all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too; ….”
It relates to all facets of my life, family, friends, and career.
This week’s episode of Princesses was unbelievable. I remember every last word and facial expression from when it took place. It was pure, uncut, and very tough. Watching myself from across the table I can see everyone’s frustration building, including mine. All I wanted was for Ashlee to stop talking and vanish, (I guess half of my wish came true).
Instead of me stating the obvious about how I felt that day in this blog, I instead want to take all of my hurt, frustration, and anger towards Ashlee (and even some towards Casey, who is a sycophant!) and put it aside. I will rather explain why the “mom” comment got me so upset.
Ashlee crawled around the table leaned closed into my face, catching me off-guard and whispered something about my mother. She’s lucky I didn’t knock her teeth out! This would have been very #unkam of me! At the time, and even still now, I am not even exactly sure what her comment was in reference to. She has never met with or spoken to my mother. It was a very blind, very low blow.
For the record, my mother is the most warm, loving, deeply caring human being on this planet! Yes, on this planet! She wouldn’t hurt a fly! Actually, she would probably jump in front of a moving bus just to save that fly and nurse it back to health and give it a place to live with all the “amenities” a fly could ask for -- including mixed cheeses! That’s how unbelievably good-hearted she is. She raised me to take chances, love myself, and be stronger than her. She gave me everything she is and everything she is not which groomed me into the woman I am today! My dad is also an amazing person! Yes, he is tough and disciplined, but he is also very reliable, proud, and responsible. Both of my parents despite having their own flaws (we are all human) love me unconditionally! There is nothing on the planet --nothing -- I could do that would ever change that! I love them both with all of my heart. My family, including my little sister and brother, is all that matters to me in this life!
There is one thing I look to accomplish in this lifetime, and that is to give both of my parents the greatest gift of all: peace of mind. That means I work every day toward being 100% self-sufficient; that I learn to never be dependent on anyone but myself: Miss IndependaMINT! That I follow my dreams! And when/if I meet that special person, we can lean on each other because we want to, not because we need to. My parents gave me the best gift in life -- life! I am a healthy mix of both of my parent’s best qualities -- all they ask of me is to make healthy, good choices, and that’s what I try to achieve day in and day out. I am far from perfect, but I keep trying and the only person I answer to at the end of the day is me! # KAMKAM that!
“…If you can meet Triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stood and build ‘em up with worn-out tools: …” by Rudyard Kipling