First off, I would like to wish everyone a Happy “almost” New Year. I’m glad we can ring in 2013 together celebrating all things Shahs.
Last week we left the episode with Reza toasting everyone except for MJ, further shaking up their twenty-something year relationship that was already rocky. Here’s what I think: The root of Reza’s problem with MJ is loyalty. Reza can’t understand how his high school bestie could side with GG, someone who has outwardly bad-mouthed Reza and treated him like s---. Honestly, I don’t blame Reza. But, I also don’t condone his behavior. He acted like a catty, mean girl last week. He should know better, and he does. Sometimes I wonder what’s underneath his mustache. . .a vagina?
Which brings me to this week. Before we get to the meat of the episode, here’s a quick recap of the little things that happened…
We see Omid and GG’s relationship developing, Reza have lunch with his mom, Mike and Reza get realtor headshots, Lilly get the brush off over the phone by her F.O.B. (fresh off the boat) boyfriend, and of course MJ’s birthday party where everyone was required to bring a datable guy in lieu of a gift.
Let’s start on a light note. Toward the top of the episode we see Lilly at dinner with one of her nearest and dearest, Raumak. We learn that their friendship runs VERY deep - they bonded over hair extensions. At dinner Lilly vents about Ali, her on-again/ off-again boyfriend of 10 years. Lilly wants Ali to move to LA so that they can be together, but the Persian Houstonian is dragging his feet. But don’t let her high fashion, pretentious exterior fool you. Lilly is a simple girl at heart. All she really wants is “to come home to somebody else’s face that she can touch, hug and kiss” … along with a Maserati, a phat house in the hills, a yacht…and Eva Longoria’s stylist for her dog. No joke, we learn that Coconut’s groomer is a stylist to the stars! Well, maybe not after this episode airs. I’m sure that Eva just loves the idea that those fingers running through her silky locks are the same that scrub the pooch’s poop chute!
Skipping ahead. . .We finally get to see pictures of the infamous Ali this episode. OMG. Is he her boyfriend or her uncle?! Did you catch when she said “on, off, single, married?” I need to pull an MJ and cyber stalk, I mean investigate this further. She needs to shake that guy! Lilly, I have to say, ”he’s just not that into you!” If he wanted to be with you, he would have gotten his ass on a flying Persian rug and flown straight to LA. Or least hit the “on” button on his laptop to do a simple Google search for houses in L.A. I love when Ali said, “I love you, I want to buy a ring for you, I want to spend my life with you…” From 1500 miles away?
Listen, I know it’s not as black and white as the show makes it look, but it looks like our swimgerie guru needs to start looking at ships coming from the old country for a new dude. Don’t like your current man? Import a new one! I feel bad for her, but girlfriend needs to move on!! Maybe she should throw herself a B.Y.O.B. (bring your own boy) party just like MJ!
Speaking of, how about the chain of events that lead up to MJ’s birthday?!?
Let’s start with the CRAZY phone call(s) between MJ and GG. I was SHOCKED when MJ called GG to tell her she wasn’t invited to her birthday party. It spoke volumes. She had to do it to repair her relationship with Reza and she did the right thing as hard as it was. Plus, she was throwing a birthday party for herself and didn’t want drama at her party. Can you blame a girl? Kudos to her for finally taking a stand and not being her typical people pleaser self.
I have to admit, when I heard MJ drop the bomb, I was like, “Oh no she di’int!” I could almost feel the smoke coming out of GG’s ears. After GG hung up on MJ the first time, MJ should have just left it alone. But she called back not once, but two more times—like a crazy ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
The call went something like this:
MJ: Hi GG, you can’t come to my birthday party. I like you, but you’re too dramatic.
GG: (silence. . .hangs up)
(MJ calls back)
Me: MJ, dude! Don’t call back.
MJ: Did you hang up on me?
Me: MJ -- really? No -- it was a coincidental signal drop. Come on!!! Can you hear me now??? How about now?
GG: I’ve had your back this whole time. . .
Me: She’s right, her gold hoops have always stayed on around you. . .
MJ: You’ve had no consequences for everything you’ve done.
GG: MJ, MJ, MJ -- Did you say I’m not invited to your birthday (crazy eyes) F--- you (hangs up)!
Me: MJ, run while you can. She’s channeling Jack Torrance (Jack Nicolson’s character) in The Shining. What she really means is: I have a knife collection, an Audi A6 that can fit a body in the trunk, and a rich Dad. MJ, hide yo’ Julio. Hide yo’ Pablo. . .
(MJ Calls back)
Me: Don’t call back! You’re feeding the lion.
GG: What? If you want to throw me to the Rottweilers, then do it in person.
Me: In person? Are you out of your mind? I wouldn’t even Skype with her.
MJ: No, no!
(GG hangs up)
(GG kicks the blow-up punching and breaks glass.)
Me: I hope whatever she broke was from Ikea.
MJ tells us in interview that she hoped this would be a wake up call for GG. But I’m pretty sure the only ones experiencing an awakening were her neighbors in Apartment 3b.
So that’s that! GG has one supporter at this point and it’s her natural-nosed man, who wears headbands as an accessory. Yes, the same natural-nosed man who goes to MJ’s birthday.
Moving on to MJ’s famous birthday! When the guys all showed up to MJ’s apartment, I felt like I was watching a bad episode of Millionaire Matchmaker in which Tehran was the Persian Patti Stanger. The most redeeming thing about this scene is the sweet moment where we get a glimpse of the old MJ and Reza. In a sign of good things to come, Reza buries the hatchet (as much as he could in four seconds) and shows his bestie genuine love and support.
The shindig moves from MJ’s apartment to her party bus, or -- as I like to call it -- a veritable strip club on wheels. That thing was like a tricked out dump truck, and its first stop was dumping Persians off at the beach.
At the party we see a Drake look alike dressed in red pants and a vest (separately OK, that combo. . . yikes!) make a play to get MJ alone with the help of Reza and Asa. It was sweet to see MJ with a guy, but I didn’t think a guy dressed in red pants and a vest nicknamed Drizzy would be her type. I was surprised he wasn’t wearing a Mercedes-Benz emblem around his neck ala Public Enemy (without the clock). All joking aside, it was cute. I do hope there is some sort of a dating arc for MJ this season. And even if there isn’t, mission accomplished as far as getting what she wanted for her birthday: A man (even if he was dressed in red pants).
As MJ is getting Drizzy wit’ it, Asa, Reza, Sammy, Tehran and crew get into it with Omid. Omid is pissed that GG wasn’t invited. What does he expect? GG was a mess at Asa’s dinner AND at the pool party. If Omid really cared that much, he wouldn’t have gone to the party to show solidarity. But, I guess being on TV is more important for him. Asa makes a good point when she says that it’s been four weeks and GG still hasn’t contacted her. What’s she supposed to do when she’s already given GG a few chances? I’d write her off too. I’m curious to see where GG lands with the group. I read somewhere that she was engaged to Omid. So, I guess we know where the two of them land. . .
Omid aside, I’m happy that our Persian posse finally have a drama-free outing! And I’m even happier that MJ and Reza make up at the end of the episode. When Reza tells MJ that they’re not friends, they’re blood, it gave me the chills. He said something that really resonated with me, which was: in the storyboard of their life they have had so many special times, and to not love MJ is to not love those times. Tear. Reza and MJ’s bond is strong. They’re better together. Alone, MJ was unraveling at the seams and Reza was a bitchy mean girl. I’m happy our dynamic duo is back together.
Onward to next week when the Shahs go to Cabo. We all know this group can’t go ANYWHERE without drama. It’s going to be exciting!!!
Thanks for reading everyone! Happy New Year!
Thoughts? Comments? Tweet me: @NadineRajabi
Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Persian, and has been her whole life.