Recap: Outed by Chihuahuas

Hi everyone! The long awaited after show that been a year in the making finally premiered tonight!!! We will roll these out after every week through the reunion. I hope you enjoy these!

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Now on to the episode...

I just finished watching this episode and walked away asking myself:

1)    How many Jonathan Adler couches were sacrificed to make Reza’s suit?
2)    How many Asas does it take to put on an art show?
3)    Why on earth would MJ call GG’s mom after Del Mar?
4)    And, was it c---, whore, bitch or slut, whore, bitch? Because GG and MJ have conflicting stories on the first word.
5)    Did Pablo and Julio need doggie Xanax after Leila’s house? Because I certainly did after watching.

Before we get to these questions, I’d love to cover a few things very quickly. First, MJ’s spray tan. It’s a little known secret that Persian women have giant boobs…but seeing her get spray tanned made me realize that hers are giant-er (if the word existed). I swear if a tsunami ever hit, I’d grab one as a floatation device. Where were they when the Titanic sank? I swear some lives would be saved.

Next, I’d love to address the Lilly and Reza break-up. I don’t think Lilly was being as harsh as Reza thought. I think she was being honest. There’s a difference. If Reza was so worried about his friendship with Lilly, why didn’t HE reach out to her after that infamous dinner when MJ told Lilly and Coconut circle out of there? Lilly said it best when she said, “What’s worse than an enemy? A fake friend.” Well said, Lilly. If Reza wanted the blow softened, she could have phrased it by saying, “What’s worse than a fake Louis Vuitton?” Or “What’s worse than fake gold?” But she went straight for the golden dagger. The truth hurts sometimes.Now let’s get to my burning questions…

First one is: How many Jonathan Adler couches were sacrificed to make Reza’s suit?  

I know some people may think I’m a hater, but I can’t decide if I should sit on Reza or give him a pimp stick to walk with.

The best part is he has that same suit in two colors! We’ve all seen the burnt orange/red one, but he just one-upped himself tonight with the blue, and that’s hard to do. And let’s not forget the finishing touch…

Next let’s talk about Asa’s art show. My first question is how many Asas does it take to put on an art show?

I’d love to know how she found her “other” selves… Did she put out a Craigslist ad to find her Asa-bees? When she was auditioning the Asa-bees, did she have them all do a sitting still test? So many questions! 

Thankfully she didn’t have an Asa for her bird flu mask era, because only she can rock that.

We know from past episodes that Asa said there are three chapters in her life: Rumi -- where her heart was developed; Nietzsche -- where her mind was developed; And Eazy E -- where her body was developed. I wonder if she’s aware how Eazy E died? Just wondering…

The art show had its normal Shah drama. Jessica and MJ got into it, and of course MJ and GG had a run-in. But the most important thing is that Mike apologized to MJ for the infamous croissant-gate. And thank God for that. As much as MJ has been lower on my list these days, I truly felt bad for her when Mike told her she shouldn’t eat the buttery, chocolate croissant.

And the other good that came out of the night (and most importantly) was Asa pulled off her art show. I know I’ve been poking fun at it, but truth is Asa did a great job. True, art is subjective and you may beg to differ. But she surpassed any of my expectations. The real question is what did the other Asas think?

They are women of few words…

And last let’s talk about this whole MJ/GG/Leila drama…

First of all, who in their right mind would call anyone’s mom? Obviously, MJ did it to spite GG, but what good could come out of that? And was it REALLY necessary to not just call GG’s mom, but to also to say their daughter is a c---, whore, bitch? MJ said she called her a slut, whore, bitch, but at this point, who’s really keeping track except for me? I put it in my dream journal in case you were wondering.

Regardless, we’re not in elementary school and no one should be telling on anyone. But if we are going the elementary route, we should all practice the Golden Rule. One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself. That way, nobody gets hurt. The only part of the Golden Rule the Shahs seem to get right is the gold part; sadly, it’s without the rules.

Anyway, as if c---, whore, bitch wasn’t bad enough this episode, it kept building. The kicker was MJ and Reza getting outed by MJ’s chihuahuas. Before we get to the chihuahuas, can we please talk about Reza actually coming to help someone move? Who knew he had it in him? Based on past Reza behavior, you’d think he’d pay someone to help with any heavy lifting. But these guys keep surprising me every episode. But I digress…

All was OK, until GG showed up. I understand why Leila didn’t tell GG that Reza and MJ were there. She was rolling the dice, but someone tell this girl when MJ, Reza, and GG are in the same room, it’s not time to be gambling. Home girl was BOUND to get caught and she did. Pablo and Julio, or as I shall call them, Exhibit A and Exhibit B came walking out and that’s when GG blew her lid. (Side note: I wonder what MJ has a harder time controlling…her dogs or her boobs?)

I can totally understand why GG was mad. She feels deceived by her sister, and as MJ said in the episode, Leila and GG’s rift runs way deeper than any friendship she’s struck up with Leila. With that said, I don’t think MJ’s friendship helps the situation, it just adds to the problem. Now, I’ve been pro-GG this whole season (for the most part), but the one thing I didn’t agree with was seeing how she brought Jordan into the fight. That poor little girl does not need to be subjected to any of these people’s crazy drama.

That six-year-old is wise beyond her years, but the last thing she needs is more fighting in her life. She should focus on being a kid, not fighting her aunt’s battles. These guys need to pull it together, period. Before Turkey, during Turkey, and after Turkey. If they don’t, I’m sending Lilly to Turkey to distract and turn the focus. As for Pablo and Julio, thankfully, no animals were hurt making this episode (to the best of my knowledge at least).

Until next week!

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Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.