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If Only They Could See Themselves

Breaking down Joseph and Xander

By Patti Stanger

When I first met Joseph, I felt he was a very feminine natured man and that he was a little odd. He told me he was going to rent a house in the south of France after he was leaving here with something like 35 women living in the house. None of these women were dating him and he was going to be the only guy there. A little odd, a little weird, and a little off the mark.

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I think he's very obsessed with perfection in the looks department. He is very short, and he only likes tall girls, 5'8" and up, model types, lanky, long, and lean with perfection in the face area. He gravitates towards high cheek bones and the slinky body, the Kate Mosses of the world. I think he's dreaming, and delusional. I think the reason he's single is because he won't take a girl 5'4, who is a cute little spinner type that he can settle down with. He's just too obsessed with looks. So, I think he's a nice guy, but he's got Napoleon Complex. As long as you have a Napoleon Complex, you are always going to wonder, "Why don't the tall ones want me?"

As far as the date he picked, I loved her for him. I thought that he was great in picking a normal, nice, girl comedienne. She was fantastic and was open to dating again. However, I got a call from her and she told me that she was continuing to see him even though he was living at a distance and then he disappeared on her. He'll be one of those "dating ADD" types -- leave you for three weeks and then breeze back into town like a cyclone, and say, "Hey ready to go out again?" Then, not have any conversations for 3 weeks, no checking in, no emails, no texting and expect a warm reception when he get's back, not knowing why the woman is not giving one. I think he's a little clueless in the dating market.

As far as Xander goes, he is kind of similar in some ways. He is an overachiever, he is very insecure, and his last wife left him for another man. He's got that edge where he feels like he's not good enough and he has to over sell it. Being that he's in the payment processing business for the porn industry, he loves to lend himself to hot, very visually driven, beautiful women. He goes for the bombshell, perfect ten look on the playmate scale. He doesn't pick someone that's natural, but instead someone with the fake boobs, fake butt, and the whole nine yards. The Pamela Anderson type look. I think that he's so obsessed with looks, that he went for the hot Latin girl and he over sold it. He begged her to like him and she saw the insecurity he had and the one thing women don't want, is the insecure man. This turns them off, they want to feel that the man knows what he's doing, he's in control, and he's ready to protect her at all costs. So all in all he over sold it, and when he saw that she was losing interest, he put her down. He said to her, "Oh you don't like me. Oh I can see that you don't like me. Oh I can see you're not going to get another date with me." This completely turned her off. So what I would say to people, all we can do if you are a thirsty horse is lead you to water, and hope you drink. But, I can't force someone to follow my policies and my rules and regulations. I trained him to not do that and he absolutely over stepped his boundary, over shot it, and he lost in the end.

I thought one of the cleverest things we ever did on camera was the one-way glass, behind the curtain so to speak. I think this was really advantageous to the men but not so advantageous to the women. Women didn't get to see that they were being screened in advance. Men liked it because they're spending the money and they deserve to have the edge, and I get that. However, it doesn't always work in their benefit. For example, the first girl that Joseph picked wouldn't have picked him because he was short. So, I sold her to give him a chance. In the end we are attracted to what we are attracted to and nobody can change that.

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