Ask Patti: Moving Towards Marriage

Ask Patti: Moving Towards Marriage

Patti answers your questions about when to consider marriage.

I love the Heidi and Bill storyline - any more updates on their relationship?

You’re not the only one who loves these two! They aren’t following my club rules for a successful relationship, but they’re trying! I love Heidi!

I know relationships all seem to have various speeds to them, however how long should one date another before marriage is considered? Should ultimatums ever be used? When should you walk away? Is there a timeline that should be followed? First time you meet their parents? He meets your parents? You are introduced to his friends and vice versa? Does it change depending on backgrounds, for example Race or Ethnicity? Or even religion? One of my colleagues dated a guy for 22 years and he never married her. I don't want to waste my time. I am 32 (he's 37) and we've dated for 4 years, I want a family and he has said he wants the same thing. What do I do? Help!

You have asked many questions, so I’ll tackle a few. First, you should consider marriage after 9 months of dating in a serious monogamous relationship, which is in my book “Become Your Own Matchmaker”. I don’t advise ultimatums, rather “Me-amatums”, which is another technique highlighted in my book. Many of your other questions are answered in my book as well... But to get to the last, important question, if you have “dated” for 4 years and he hasn’t proposed, it’s time to take the next step and have a serious talk about the your collaborative future together.

You are adorable and I love the show. I am increasingly irritated at a few of the disgruntled millionaires trying to insult you by showcasing you are not married. Why do they assume your boyfriend is not ready? Does it occur to them that you might not be married because you are not ready?

Thanks for the love and support! I’m not sure the millionaires assume my boyfriend isn’t ready or not. Some of these guys are angry and will attack any perceived “problem” with me or my staff if we supply tough love. I showcase the philosophy that you don’t have to be married to be happy or in love. I’m content at where the relationship is at present – this what I want.

Hi Patti! I love the show so much. I'm a business owner in pet care. Your approach with people has been really inspiring to me. You have a real way of saying exactly what you think and are so confident. People may not always like what you say but they respect it. Your attitude has really influenced me to be more confident. I think if I decide to move in with my long distance boyfriend, he will propose.. Why do you think if you live with a man before marriage, he won't propose? I understand the logic somewhat. But, we love each other and want to be together. It seems like the natural choice in moving forward. He's a good man and not your typical jackass. We've talked for a year and dated exclusively for about 6 mos. I'll be 30 in July and he's 32. We're both successful in our fields. I think we've both been out there long enough and are ready to settle down. So why isn't it okay to move in before marriage?

Monica, It’s the old adage, “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free”. Such as with my own relationship, we live separately, and will live together if and when we get married. Once the couple moves in together, it changes the dynamics of the relationship, and takes away some of the mystery and mystique of the woman. Give it another 3 months and reevaluate your future. I don’t condone living together – even if Destin is doing it!

Hi Patti,
I have been dating a really great guy for a month: Jewish, gorgeous who's a yacht captain. He works for mega millionaires who travel often so his life belongs to them. When we're together it's glorious! He's the perfect gentleman. When he's away on the yacht I seldom hear from him. Is dating a workaholic worth it?
Shanna S

Shanna, Congratulations on your new relationship with the gorgeous captain! It’s great he has a job with a future. Have you talked about your feelings regarding his lack of communication? He may not know this is a problem, or it may not be a problem to him. Expression of your wants and needs early on in a relationship will result in healthier communication later on down the road. I suggest you two sit down and discuss concerns while the relationship is forming. And remember, a man (or woman) who loves their job is better than one who doesn’t!

Patti, dearest:
I want to exude your sexiness. How on earth do you walk in such stilettos without falling or wailing from pain at the end of the day?
Clumsy and clueless

Dear Clumsy, Stillettos and Patti go together like hand in glove. Wearing heels has always come naturally to me, and I could probably run the LA marathon in a nice pair of Jimmy Choos! My definition of sexiness is being yourself to your best ability. Highlight the positive, work it and shine girl!

Hey Patti,
I am 23 years old and I am earning my degree in school counseling. My boyfriend is 28 and we have been dating 2 years and 2 months. I am ready for marriage but he says he is not ready. How do I move him toward the altar a little faster? Help! Thanks

The good thing is you are very young. Is the relationship monogamous and exclusive? Is your boyfriend in school or working on starting or furthering his career? Are you close to finishing your degree? There is no race to the alter until you have jobs, careers and other assorted plans discussed. Have you talked about these issues? Maybe your man has a master plan. You won’t know until you have a nice discussion. Good luck Kim!

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