Gotta Know When to Hold 'Em

Love sometimes can be like a game of poker. Sometimes you play with a stud and sometimes a real deuce, but either way you have to take risks. This week the odds went against the house for Team MC with Beth Shak and Sean Hull. I was very worried how things were going to turn out, and if our intern Andreea aka "mini Rachel" was going to bring some great girls and guys to our crappy hand.

So let me start with Sean, an over 40, tiny, bad teeth, Moby wannabe. Did I mention the skinny neon ties? His type … Asians. Any and all, the smaller the better, and oh yeah, they must wait on him as he thinks all Asian women are subservient. Not at all un-PC here are we?! What kind of mommy raised you to think like that? Disgusting. I don't even know how Destin could swallow taking on a client like him. After my little meltdown on "mini Rachel" we picked some great beautiful Asian girls for him. I tell you this though, these girls were certainly not "bitches," and quite frankly he doesn't deserve them. We need to teach Sean that women are not objects. It's time for him to act his age, not his height, and settle down. 

Beth Shak was my millionaire poker queen, who puts Carrie Bradshaw's shoe collection to shame. Beth, who has been burned before, needs to find her King of Hearts. Her type, Gerard Butler but not really Gerard Butler, I don't know. She just needs to stop playing mom to young poor schnooks and find an older man that can take care of her for a change. We did just that in our casting session and found some perfect handsome older gentlemen to sweep her off her Manolos.  

The mixer this time was very intimate and involved some lab work of the "mad scientist alcohol kind." I have to say as a previous bartender this was right up my alley! Each of the suitors had to make Beth or Sean a cocktail representing them. My favorite was when Allison made some crazy concoction with Tabasco in it. Who does that? How is that going to make the guy want you? Yuck! In the end Beth chose Ray and Sean chose Allison. Great picks for both of them, but let's hope Shorty McShorterton Womanizer and Momma Card Slinger don't screw it up.

Now on to the dates. I have to say, I was slightly impressed by Sean's date. He dressed normally (no skinny day glow ties) and took her to a nice dinner. He did what Dr. Cooper Lawrence told him to do and brought up something personal about him and she related to it. Well done, kids! But then came the zinger … He called her a BIMBO! What?! Come on buddy, you were on track to graduating from MC Academy! I stand corrected on thinking maybe this guy has changed. Well at least she found it funny and seemed attracted to him. Eww.

Beth really pissed me off with her date, if you can even call it a date. I really don't even know what you would call it, since SHE planned it, which in our club is a big no-no. Poor Ray shows up to the tarmac to meet Jasen, Beth's lame-gay-make-up-artist-husband-friend-who-knows-what. I think Jasen just wanted his ten seconds of fame. Talk about rude and awkward! When she says in front of Ray to Jasen, "You're hot and you have a big package!" WHAT? Who does that? Shoe-aholic Beth does. Ray was hands down a perfect catch for her and quite frankly did not deserve to be treated so poorly. Ray you win the "I Went Out with Beth Shak and All I Got Was a Pair of Pumps and a Douchy Make-Up Guy" award. I salute you sir. 

The moral of this love story goes a little something like this: If you're a womanizer you will never get married or find love, because you treat women like crap. Sean you need a good old fashioned dominatrix to kick your you know what. Don't bring a buddy on a date with you. This is one time where the buddy system need not apply. Beth, Ray knew when TO WALK AWAY and WHEN TO RUN.