Cajuns Make Better Lovers

Yes, I'm shamelessly going to promote how phenomenal Southern people are to date -- particularly us Cajun folks. I mean have you met us? We throw parties when people die. New Orleans lets you drink literally anywhere you want (streets, Sundays, etc.). We have the best food in the universe and we school when it comes to parades. We're a jubilant bunch, and who wouldn't want to spend their lives with that?

And now I digress because it wouldn't really be a recap if I didn't.

Do: Follow your own advice

I'm looking at your Ms. Stanger. This week the matchmaker herself was called out on her inability to go and sit at a bar with a book. If she's going to get back out there -- she has to get back out there. Though, doesn't it make you feel great that sometimes it's even hard for Patti to be perfect?

Don't: Go In, In, or In

For Patti's "reformed" playboy William, a full-tilt intervention was needed. Calling his mother from the dinner table was not enough (though it was effectively hilarious). It was time for the big guns -- Pat Allen. And the mission statement that we can all agree on: "Men fall in love with virtue, not vaginas." I agree, but I wonder if somewhere many, many vaginas are offended, crying that no one really loved them after all. Watch Patti's assessment of the alchemy of love again, you owe it to all those unloved vaginas.

Do: Prepare yourself for Patti

Oh honey. Let's all remind ourselves, if we are ever going to present ourselves to Patti that we will enunciate our words, and we should maybe wear our most figure flattering outfit.

Don't: Count your matches before they're hatched

William, Mr. Sly Fox, was feeling good at the mixer. Chicks were sitting on his lap (and then getting bounced by Patti). He was asking ladies when they lost their virginity.Basically he was pretty cavalier about his chances for love. So when he and Brandon both picked the same lady, he didn't even break a sweat. Of course she was going to love him more than some Southern boy. Unfortunately that was not the case. Sweet Brandon (seriously, super sweet and precious) had Jacqueline hooked from the first moment. And when William started his date on a pretty awful foot (talking about how her career was everything), things were destined for failure. So when both gents asserted that they loved Jaclyn I was ready for an old school duel. Was Patti going ot have them take their paces and then slap gloves? Instead Patti deflected to Jacqueline and she chose Brandon. Then to Lady No 2 for William, also no. And this is an important lesson folks -- don't count your dates before you're ordering your first drnk.

Don't: Bring a lady on a paraglider, or a parachute

Polo because it looks regal? Paragliding into the sunset, just no. Everything I said about being jubilant does not apply to dumb sports-related dates. Let's get active, but this isn't the X-Games. If it's not a sport where you are touching each other, it ain't a date sport.

Next week Million Dollar Hair Listing agent Madison comes by for Patti's assesment. Can he unlazy lion himself? Is that a hair joke?