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Lions, Tigers, and Gays, Oh My

Episode 5:'s Associate Editor ponders Madison's spirit animal and the proper outfit for paddle-boarding.

This week it was all about the gays on Matchmaker. It was the first ever all gay mixer. People were picking up strays, taking off shirts, and attempting to explain their glitter tattoos left and right. And Madison from Million Dollar Listing is there!

How to Watch

Catch up on The Millionaire Matchmaker on the Bravo App.

Don’t: Be fooled by pink cars
Eric's gay, Patti -- its not going to work. Though I would enter into a sexless partnership to live in that house and drive that pepto-colored car with him. I thought you had to be a Mary Kay lady to get wheels like that.

Don't: Be a lazy lion
Even someone as ridiculously handsome as Madison, needs to work the angles. I'm not sure why lions are the laziest. Did Patti see The Lion King? Those lions were all very ambitious and organized, or wait, I guess Nala did have to do some of the work to get Simba to commit. Personally when I think lazy I imagine pandas, but I Madison's hair does make it appropriate. Either way he can't just be sitting around on Malibu beaches waiting for the wildebeasts to come ot him or something like that. I'll let Patti explain.

Do: Clear your need for strays with mostly melted candles
Having a hard time moving past shallow people because you don't want to commit? Call in a therapist with some great vibey candles to give you the straight talk. She's no Pat Allen, but this week Dr. Nikki's got some gems of advice among some gilded tchotchkes.

Don't: Be a ginger
Patti’s said it once, and she'll say it again. She doesn't love a ginger. A red/blonde mix still has red in it. Dye it. Also cut your hair. Patti's really not pulling any punches with people's follicles this season, or with people's butter-faces.

Do: Woo people with tales about your dog's face
Unlike the underwear model with a butter face, some of the men in this club know how to pick someone with a good face -- like Chris. Not only did Chris pick up on Eric's adorable face, he can also really get to heart of a dog just by looking at his face. I'm not sure if this was the move away from superficial that Dr. Nikki wanted, but this is exactly how Chris picked his dog.

"I picked the dog based on the face and how she turned her head and she just connected with me right away."

We should probably just do the same thing with people, right? That's why Eric and Chris ended up working out so well.

Do: Wear sunscreen
OK, OK, so maybe this isn't a dating tip, so much as it's a general life piece of advice, but wear sunscreen. Plus then, like Madison and Charlie, you can rub your date down with it. And that worked out for those two so well. Their date was adorable. Charlie's hair was still working it's Patti (and me!) approved look. They had all sorts of things in common. Charlie did an amazing little dance.

Chris and Eric didn't have to wear sunscreen because they had on ten-gallon hats, which also worked out for them. Keep it protected people. That's the secret to a hot date -- non-sundamaged skin.

Next week things get a little wack-a-doo at the club. Grease that poll and stay ready!

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