Patti on the Prowl

It's here. It's here. It's finally here! The big moment of the season is upon us. The master has finally become the student, as Patti sits back and becomes the matchee. Ack so much to learn! I hope you have some popcorn on hand because this episode was worth it.

Do: Date divorced men
Was there anything funnier than seeing Patti grilled with her own questions? Methinks not. I have to say I was shocked with her choice of Matthew McConaughey as her celebrity crush, but I was not shocked to learn that 30-year-olds are good at sucking face (enough practice and still agile to make it work). I did learn that divorced men are great to date, since they can obviously commit.

As it turns out, Patti's pretty healthy and well-rounded (at least by Destin's accounts), so setting her up should be a breeze. Except for the fact that it’s Patti, and if it’s not she will destroy all of them.

Do: Have a job, know what you write on forms, etc., etc.
As the gang (Destin, Rachel, Patti's friend Rose, and her manager Jeff) interview prospective dates for Patti, there were a lot of frogs amongst the princes. The first guy couldn't remember what he wrote on his form (wasn’t it minutes ago guy?). The second guy, Scott, had a plethora of jobs but none that seemed to provide income. The third guy had a pocket square! These were not the sort of men Patti Stanger would date. These were the sort of men she would barely look at. I was worried, but of course, as it progressed things got better. There were a lot of handsome men, and a lot less yelling, which I kind of missed frankly. What's a recruiting session without Patti telling someone what a miserable failure they are?!?

Don't: Show up to a recruiting session if you already dated Patti's best friend
Oops Steve! Ya burnt! Oh to have been a fly on the wall when he and Rose chatted afterwards.

Don't: Date someone who won't travel to you
Poor Mike G. First he said he never "asked someone" to marry him, and then he lived too far away. Well Patti had to lay the smackdown on someone this episode, didn't she?

Enjoy your place out of town Mike!

Don't: Lay it on so thick
Oh Mike. I had good feelings about you. You are handsome and rugged. You seemed romantic and delightfully aggressive, but perhaps as it turned out you were too aggressive. When Destin and Rachel picked you for the alternate master date, it seemed like you could convince Patti that her picker was off, but then the dinner was a lot. All of that talk about her being beautiful and giving her the creepy lion glance and then saying, "the worst part of the date is that it ends." Too much buddy. And then you didn't even go in for the kiss. You asked?!? Haven't you seen her show? It's a major pet peeve. It looks like you'll be ranching alone, friend.

Destin had it right, if you think you're being intense, the person on the date probably thinks you're hair doll level crazy. So let's keep that all in mind.

Do: Go for it
Jon and Patti's date was a lot more relaxed, and was the perfect, if a strange combination. Everybody loves a foot massage and a zipline combination. Kudos to Patti for facing her fears and managing to make it through that.

How cute was vulnerable Patti? I like that she immediately thought of neck-breaking. Please Patti, if the drag queen and his date from two episodes ago survived it, I feel confident you can -- plus this one is over more forgviving sand.

But even more bold that handling the zip-line was Patti going in for the smooch when Jon asked for a hug. Oh girl!

In the end, Patti and John seemed like a perfect match, and we'll see at the reunion next week exactly what happened after their first date. That's right folks, I said reunion! We're having a two-part epic Matchmaker reunion for the first time ever. Expect it to be exactly like A Christmas Story only instead of the ghost of Christmas past it's Robin Kassner. Until then -- Happy Thanksgiving y'all!