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Fire and Ice

Rachel gets into the Canadian spirit and shares her thoughts on the "Bench Warmer" business.

By Rachel Federoff

I've noticed in my years of matchmaking that no matter where you go there will always be people searching for love and needing our help -- we could be in La-La Land, The Big Apple, or even the land of hockey, bacon, and using the word "eh" after every sentence. That's right good ol' Canada! I really do love Canada and the people there are as sweet as can be.

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Of course, there's always one in the bunch that has to ruin it all right!?! This week I had the pleasure of bringing a little Canuck to Team MC, David Mezheritsky AKA David Mez. We'll just call him "The Mez." I think he'd like that, eh? Now don't get me wrong -- he's quite a looker and quite a charmer, but, boy howdy, this one's living in the dark ages. Yes, women can still stay home and be housewives, but they can also have a life on top! I'm living proof! I take care of my two-year-old son Sin Halo and matchmake and do most of the housework! Yes, we superwomen exist! David needed a gal that could be a superwoman to show him. Stepford is so passé, eh. Oh and by the way I stand corrected, he's cocky.

Destin this week brought Team MC Brian Wallos AKA Mr. Benchwarmer. We'll just leave it at that. I really had issues with the whole scantily clad hoochies on baseball cards thing. I'm just not into treating women like sides of Canadian bacon. "The Mez" on the other hand, would love this! Brian's issue was finding a gal that could handle his bench warming babes and wanting to settle down and have a family -- fair enough. Brian, sadly, was as rusty as an old can of Labatt Blue. He hadn't been on a real date in years so it was time to get this guy off the bench and in the game. We decided to do an intimate dinner mixer as these two needed to get their heads in the game, and I don't mean the ones downstairs.

We chose the perfect girls for both fellas now it was up to them to pick wisely. I was really hoping "The Mez" was going to chose Annaliese as she really was the right choice. Instead the head downstairs decided to control the situation, and he picked Stephanie. Figures. Brian, on the other end of the table was failing miserably with the girls. It was really painful to watch actually. We were all hoping for Debra to be his teammate, and sure enough she was! Go team!

"The Mez" decided it was now time for a little tonsil hockey with Stephanie and all was right in the world. Right? Right? Oye vey, eh.

I'm going to cut right to the chase, Brian besides your "Benchwarmer Babes" showing up randomly (yeah right!) to dinner, you get the A+ this week. You were romantic, gentlemanly, and clearly used a bit of WD40 with Debra. So proud of you slugger!

Now on to the failure this week as there always has to be one. "The Mez" just couldn't get enough of his home and had his date imported in to Canada. First stop the ever popular Ice Sauna where you too can experience what it's like to be a Canadian icicle. Hey girls don't this sound like fun and romantic hanging out in a meat locker? Then they of course had to take a steamy bath where "The Mez" decided to pull the old take-off-the-bikini-top-with-one-hand trick. Classy. I'm not sure how those two even made it to dinner. At this point, I was waiting for them to hurl themselves onto the table and roll around in their Caesar salads. Have you lost your appetite yet? Because I sure have. Of course, there was no arm twisting to get Stephanie into his penthouse for a nice glass of Canadian Mist and then, well, the rest is history.

It's no surprise "The Mez" is still searching the mountains of Canada to find his wife. I'm sure he's going to be on ice for a very long time. Brian, well you are on the right track and we salute you! Coco the chicken, it's really impolite to peck at scones before the guest has one. Bad chicken!

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