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Something's Not Kosher In This Gumbo

Rachel asesses this week's bachelors' je ne sais quoi and shares why ladies hate adventure dates.

By Rachel Federoff

So what do you get when you cross a Creole cutie and a Jewish gigolo? Just another day at the office! Yes this week we had two young bloods William from San Diego and Brandon from LA by way of Louisiana. Let's start with the schmaltz shall we?

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William. Oh William you sweet, young, wannabe kid you. With your sexy this, and sexy that, and I take girls to bed not mom je ne sais quoi. Enough with the fake player business because as the saying goes, "He who brags about it ain't getting any." His type, Lucy Liu meets Eva Mendes -- the more exotic the better. All William needed was a session with Pat Allen and he'd be good to go right? I’m not betting my gelt on this one.

On the other end of the spectrum, we had Brandon the wounded little beignet from LA, and L.A. He can get any girl he wants just by walking into a club reeking of crawfish and French love sonnets. Maybe he should teach William "voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" Come on you all know this one! Brandon’s type, the buh-dunk-a-dunk in the trunk, Kim K. Are you surprised?

After finding the hottest group of Asians, Latinas, and booty bumpers it was time to get our speakeasy on! Just have to say how amazing that mixer location was! La Descarga is truly a hot find here in La-La Land. The mixer seemed to be going off without a hitch until Mr. He-Wish-He-Had-Game started talking about sex to all the girls and letting them sit on his lap! Well so much for Pat Allen. I mean please tell me you wanted to slap him in the face on behalf of those poor girls?!?

Moving on, Brandon of course was cute, hip, and asking all the right questions. They both chose the same girl, she chose Brandon (duh like you didn't see that a mile away!) Faharah was sloppy seconds and agreed to go out with William. The look on Mr. Player's face-priceless. William took poor Faharah on a polo date which is a huge no-no. Girls, would you want to sit on a horse, wear a helmet, ruin your hair, and whack balls on a first date?! Yeah didn’t think so! In the end he redeemed himself with the nice romantic dinner and even went in for the kiss.

Brandon took Jaclyn paragliding which again can I get an "amen" ladies, that is some crazy you-know-what to do on a first date! However Brandon won the girl with a picnic on the beach and moving in for the kiss. Looks like we were winners all around this week! OK, so sometimes the clients do listen to us. I just hope William remembers guys don't fall in love with vajay-jays they fall in love with virtue. You can take that one to the bank kids!

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