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The Past is Past

Steve embraces his experience on the show, but finds fault with Sally's belief that the past is a predictor of the future.

I want to start off by saying that I am a fan of the show. I wanted to have Patti help me, mainly to find true love, but also to see what kind of woman Patti thought I should be with. I have trouble meeting women on my level, who have a similar amount of drive and are at a similar level in their careers. When I say "on my level," I don’t mean to imply that some people are better than other people. I have been at all levels of financial success and I have found that as a millionaire, I have a certain way of relating to the world around me. I speak about my possibilities in a positive way, I am able to do the things that I want to do, and I am able to see that hard work and a positive attitude really do pay off in the long run. It is because of this mindset that I find it difficult to relate to people who do not believe in their possibilities. People often joke with me, that since I’m a hypnotherapist (, I can hypnotize any woman to fall in love with me. That's simply not the case.

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Patti is amazing at what she does. I know that statement might come as a shock to some people who view her as mean, rude, etc. I don't view her negatively at all. I realize, as a person who also helps people change their lives, that sometimes tough love is the shortest distance between two points. In other words, it is the fastest way to get a client from where they are to where they want to be. I think that Gary, who is the other millionaire on the same episode, got the brunt of her lashing. I had a fairly smooth working relationship with Patti. Everything she said made sense, so I just followed her advice and took to heart the words that she had to offer about my past. Gary, who has since become a good friend of mine, bucked the system a bit and she had to get more forceful with him.

I’ve been married twice. In my first marriage, we adopted a daughter. I have not seen or had any contact with her since she was five (in 1996). Patti had been in this situation when she was a little girl (her father left her), so she helped me realize that this was affecting my ability to date and fall in love. Patti encouraged me to reconnect with my daughter in order to bridge the gap that I've been experiencing while dating. I was able to contact her through Facebook and I look forward to continuing our communication. I hadn't previously realized how crucial it was for me to make peace with the past. The one simple step of communicating with her opened my mind and my heart to new possibilities in my current life.

I found the mixer to be overwhelming, due to the number of ladies who were all vying for my attention at the same time, but I relaxed and had a good time. All of the women were attractive and had something to offer. Actually, it was pretty easy for me to narrow down the women to two potential dates since they stood out above the rest. Sally seemed to have a level of financial success similar to mine and I was impressed by her interest in creating an educational institution. Lynn impressed me because she had developed her business as a psychic to a level that was very respectable.

For the date, I ended up choosing Sally. She is awesome, but we did not work out. Surfing was a new experience for both of us. In surfing and during the dinner date that followed, I totally wiped out! But I liked experiencing something new. When I say something new, I not only mean surfing, I also mean the experience of dating someone who I consider to be my equal. Beyond being my equal, Sally was actually better than me at surfing. From my date with Sally, I learned that I could date women who are on my level and I could actually be the "weak" one in this situation.

My dinner date with Sally seemed to start out fine. I met her in front of the restaurant. She looked wonderful in her dress and she was smiling. We sat down at the table and began eating and talking. I soon realized that she had a few things on her mind. Well, actually, she only had one thing on her mind. One of the reasons Sally and I did not work out is because of her feelings about my past. She feared that I could potentially abandon her daughter if things got serious. I didn't think this was fair. I also didn't appreciate her using the "Dr. Phil-ism" that "the past is the best predictor of the future." In this case, we’re talking about something that happened 16 years ago. I have changed and grown a lot in that time and I didn’t feel that it was fair for Sally to say that my current mindset is the same as my old mindset. Her negative words go completely against everything I stand for, which is that people can and do change. After all, that's what self-help is all about, the concept of leaving your former thought patterns, and embracing new positive and powerful life choices.

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