I'm on the road for a show this weekend in Charlotte, NC, and I'm trying to get my thoughts together before sound check; so if this blog is a little shorter than usual I apologize! I can't believe this is the next to last episode. . .I feel like we're just getting started.
I was still "in my feelings" about what happened in the club with Vawn and knew that I had to fill Emily in on what happened after she left. I appreciate that she listened and didn't try to rub my nose in it.
The day after I was still upset, but also angry and trying to make sense of my feelings. Was it just my pride and ego being bruised or did I really have more feelings for Vawn than I'd like to admit? If I'm being honest it was both. After being hurt in the past, let down, etc, I don't like to put all my cards on the table about how I feel. It is easy for me to be vulnerable when I'm acting and on stage performing, but when I have to do it in a romantic setting it totally freaks me out.
My plan (not that I really had one LOL) was not to let the whole club debacle affect my rehearsal with Megan and Monica, but when Vawn walked in the door I admit I was seething. I try to avoid arguments and in my past relationships it's led to me just holding alot of things in and not standing up for myself.
The "conversation" definitely got off to a rocky start. As it kept going I don't know if I was crying over what happened with Vawn or just the emotional exhaustion of it all. I think it was both of those things mixed with hurt from past relationships. I won't try to speak for all women but I will say that when you're hurt or upset you want that to be acknowledged. My feelings were really hurt and it meant alot to me that Vawn apologized. It hasn't been the easiest thing to watch my life play out in such a public way, but I do appreciate everyone's support, encouragement, and even the criticism. I am definitely taking it all in.
The Town Hall Meeting of Love...man! Where do I begin?
(Girl moment first: I love Olivia Pope but I was still not super happy about my haircut and my Scandal curls lol. We'd been filming for a few months at that point and my hair had taken a huge beating so I had to get a lot cut. hankfully I am almost back to normal. You can see hair pics and style info on my Instagram: @africamiranda)
In a nutshell what could've been a very nice event ended in chaos. I get that Emily has to ALWAYS speak her mind. . .but if you're going to dish it you have to be able to take it.
I'm not here to be Vawn's press agent, his views are his views and it is what it is. For Tribble to get up, walk to the front of the room, and then take a microphone from the dais and start speaking was totally inappropriate. There were people there that night from all walks of life, race, gender and everyone had differing viewpoints but no one else felt the need to take it to the level he did and disrupt the event.
As it was happening the hairs on the back of my neck stood up because I knew this wasn't going to end well. The smartest thing for Tribble to do at that point was the get out as fast as possible. I don't know if he thought it was going to be funny or that Vawn was going to let it go. . .um no. Then the security guard telling his skewed version of what happened to the police just pissed me off. I was annoyed, upset, and still on edge because of the chaotic energy that was in the room. . .and I didn't know where in the world Vawn was and if he was OK. What a night!
Off to soundcheck!