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The People's Couch
The Couchers' Best Season 2 Quotes
25 photos
Next Gallery

The Couchers' Funniest Faces

10560406

Emerson on 'Scandal'
"It is Shonda Thursday!"
"When your terrorist mother kills your presidential boyfriend's child, it is time to go to an island."
10560411

The Zenos on 'Amazing Race'
Princella: "'Amazing Race'. . .how sweet the sound."
10560416

Destiney on 'Saturday Night Live'
On Ariana Grande: "She's gonna end up doing a Proactiv commercial soon, watch."
On Chris Pratt: 'He lost a lot of money -- I mean weight! Did I say money? Why is money always on my mind?'
10560421

Brandy on 'Amazing Race'
"This b---h just said the sun sets in the east!. . . Does it?"
10560426

Kenya on 'Manzo'd with Children'
"She be parenting all over again with some grown ass folks. Damn, She did it from zero to 21 and now she’s gotta do it again now from damn near 30 to 50? Get on outta my house!"
10560431

The Resnicks on 'Saturday Night Live'
Rachel: "You know you're getting old when on Saturdays you'd rather watch TV with your sisters and your dad."
Joe: "This is how you know you're old — when you can barely stay awake for 'Saturday Night Live.'"
10560436

Blake and Scott on 'How to Get Away with Murder'
Emerson: "Viola Davis looks at you and you shrivel up!"
Blake: "It happened to me at the mall. . .no it did! I saw Viola Davis and I crumbled. I bowed to her like she was a god."
10564396

Brandy on 'American Horror Story'


On Kathy Bates: "She looks like a man, she looks like Hugh Jackman to me."


On Jessica Lange: "I'm glad her face work settled."

10564401

Destiney on 'Dancing with the Stars'
"Fake tans, eight packs, rhinestones -- win win!"

Emerson on 'Dancing with the Stars'
"Fake tans, eight packs, rhinestones -- win win!"

10564406

Brandy on 'The Walking Dead'


"Oh my God, I need a Xanax and the credits haven’t even started."

10564411

Blake on Kelley from 'Below Deck'
"I feel like I can smell his hangover breath through the TV."

10564416

Julie and Brandy on 'Dance Moms' Brandy: "Would you go on a date with her if she wanted to?"
Julie: "For how much? I mean, just for free?

Julie and Brandy on 'Dance Moms'
Brandy: "Would you go on a date with her if she wanted to?"
Julie: "For how much? I mean, just for free?

10564421

Emerson on 'American Horror Story' "So the problem doesn’t seem to be that they’re all freaks, but that they’re all murderers."

Emerson on 'American Horror Story'
"So the problem doesn’t seem to be that they’re all freaks, but that they’re all murderers."

10564426

Destiney on MTV's 'Are You the One?


"These are like a sh--load of Snookis."

10564431

The Egbers on 'Below Deck's Crew
Andrew: "She just checked out his behind!"
Julie: "I'd do the same thing."

10564436

Destiney on 'Dancing with the Stars'
"She just looks haggard because she partied hard."

10564441

The Egbers on 'Dance Moms'
Andrew: "It’s starting, it’s starting, it’s starting!"
Jack: "You’re way too excited to be watching Dance Moms."
Andrew: "There’s not that many people who make me feel thinner watching TV. She’s one of them."
Julie: “Why does she have such anger issues?"
Jack:“Here we go. . .”
Sam: “She doesn’t have any sex.”

10564446

Sue on 'Dance Moms' Abby Lee


"It pays to eat a lot and be mean."

10564451

Kenya on 'Constantine'
"I really wouldn’t want his job. Being an exorcist, fighting demons? They ain’t going out easy!"

10564456

Teddi and Sue on 'Botched'
Teddi: "I dunno who she is do you? Janet Dickinson?"
Sue: "Janice Dickinson? Is she a transvestite?"

10564461

Amanda and Kenya on 'America's Funniest Home Videos'


Kenya: "My favorite is the babies and the animals."


Amanda: "I think mine is dads getting hit in the balls."

10564466

10564471

Teddi on 'Below Deck'


"See when I get old and have to go to a nursing home, I’m going to a cruise ship because I have a hairdresser, I get all my meals, and if I die they’ve got a frozen food locker to put me in."

10564476

10564481

10564491

The Zenos on 'American Horror Story'
Lamont: "This was good, but I ain’t never going back to another carnival in my life."
Princella: "I don’t give a damn if the tickets is free, I ain’t going."
Lamont: "Especially if they free. Why do you want me to go to a freak show and they’re free? Oh no, that’s a set up."

10567031

Brandy on 'Wahlburgers'


"Donnie got all anorexic for 'The Sixth Sense' and then like Matthew McConaughey, he never got hot again."

10567036

Nicole Resnick on 'The Walking Dead'


"Karma’s a bitch. You eat people, people are gonna eat you."

10567041

Lamont on 'The Walking Dead'


"They’re freeing these people like Moses."

10567046

Emerson and Scott on 'Chrisley Knows Best'


Emerson: "You would just take Nana on a date."


Scott: "Hell yes! We would have a great dinner and I wouldn’t even have to put out afterwards."

10567051

Teddi and Ayn on 'The Affair'


Ayn: "They're showing his butt!"


Teddi: "It's Showtime!"


Ayn (on men): "They think with their dick. That’s the problem."

10567056

Kenya on Dominic West from 'The Affair'


"He just looks like a lust-monkey. That's all. He's just lustful."

10567061

Teddi, Ayn and Sue on 'My Cat From Hell'


Teddi: "It was something my son brought home from the vet. And then he brought home a lion."


Ayn: "A lion?!"


Sue: "You're lyin'."

10567066

Emerson on 'Girlfriend Intervention'


"You can be honest without being rude. I mean, I don’t do that, but you can!"

10571596

Emerson and Scott on 'Grimm'


Scott on "woge-ing": "He goped?"

<

Emerson: "I dunno, I heard vogued."


Emerson: "I don’t think Hallmark has any cards for 'I’m sorry I slept with a demon that looks just like you.'"

10571601

Emerson and Scott on 'Constantine'


Emerson: "Sorry the devil’s chasing you. Here’s my card."


Blake: "Its like Lucifer’s gay brother -- Furcifer!"

10571606

Julie on 'Botched'


"He looks like he would like to wear Justin Bieber’s skin as a face."

10571611

Princella on 'Monsters Behind the Iron Curtain'


"Frankenstein? Was Frankenstein from Russia?"

10571616

Emerson on 'Botched'


"You can smell the delusion from here"

10571621

Cathy and Destiney on 'Ghost Hunters'


Destiney: "You can’t get evil spirits if you’re watching a show with evil spirits right?"


Cathy: "No you can't."


Destiney: "Are you sure? Because I have sage."

10580971

Amanda and Kenya on 'The Real Apes of the Planet'
Amanda: "I have an ape video."
Kenya: "You have an ape video?"
Amanda: "Yeah, they’re doing it. They’re having an orgy."
Kenya: "Oh, stop it Amanda, I don’t believe you."
Amanda: "I'm dead serious."
Kenya: "Well you know what? They say monkeys are freaky."

10580976

10580981

Cathy and Destiney on 'The Blacklist'
Destiney: "I wonder how Red smells. Do you think he’s all cologne’d up?"
Cathy: "Oh my god, why don’t we just call him up and ask him?"
Destiney: "He probably smells like Yves Saint Laurent, that new man cologne. Oh, yeah."

10580986

Sam Egber on 'Vanderpump Rules'
"I thought this was about their restaurant?. . .Lisa Vanderpump is a fool for hiring any of these people.

10580991

Teddi and Ayn on 'The Real Apes of the Planet'
Teddi: "Does that look like you?"
Ayn: "In the morning, yes, before my makeup."

10580996

Blake and Scott on Tom Sandoval from 'Vanderpump Rules'
Blake: "He’s got those high cheekbones, and the slight gap in the teeth; imagine him in drag and it’s Madonna."
Scott: "Absolutely."

10581001

Sam on 'Vanderpump Rules'
"I thought this was about a restaurant?. . .Lisa Vanderpump is a fool for hiring any of these people.

10581006

Emerson and Scott on 'Vanderpump Rules'
Emerson: "Here’s the thing. . ."
Scott: "What’s the thing?"
Emerson: "These are the worst people on the planet. Lisa Vanderpump needs to make more rules!"

10581011

The Egbers on 'The Biggest Loser'
Sam: "Is the winner called 'The Biggest Loser'?"
Andrew: "Yeah, it’s like the most fantastic title of a show ever. The Biggest "Loser", the loser in weight."
Sam: "Ohhh my god! I finally get it!"
Andrew: "You’re just now getting it?"

10581016

Brandy on 'The Biggest Loser'
"They should have 'The Biggest Loser' but it’s just for a little bit overweight people. Like, 'The Biggest Loser', who’s gonna lose their 15 pounds?"

10581021

The Zenos on James Spader in 'The Blacklist'
Princella: "Okay, so he smart like Hannibal Lector? Like, this like 'Silence of the Lambs' or somethin’? He don’t eat people right?"
Rashawn: "No!"

10581026

Julie on 'The Black List'
"Who knew that James Spader, from our '80s teen movies, would now be a bloated criminal mastermind?"

10581031

Princella on 'Face-off'
"If we was on Titanic, we woulda all lived because I’d of been in them people’s rooms, taking them women’s wigs and shaving off ya'll mustaches and ya'll would be some ugly women getting in the boat with me."

10588516

10588521

10588526

The Egbers on RHOA
Sam: "Why don’t we have a family thing like this?"
Jack: "What are you talking about?"
Julie: "What ARE you talking about?"
Sam: "Why don’t we have a family activity that we all do? Besides eat."
Andrew: "That is our activity."

10588531

10588536

Ayn and Teddi on 'Skyscraper Live with Nik Wallenda'
Ayn: "How much money do you think he’s making?"
Teddi: "Not enough."

10588541

Brandy on 'Skyscraper Live with Nik Wallenda'
"God if my dad was in my ear. . .Like, please! Let me live my life!"

10588546

10588551

10588556

The Zeno Family on 'Gotham'
Lamont: "Bruce Wayne used to always get on my nerves."
Rashawn: "Why?"
Lamont: "Cause he’s just like a creeper."
Princella: "That’s the point! He’s supposed to lurk in the darkness."

10588561

Emerson on 'Gotham'
"Jada Pinkett Smith is serving so much drag queen realness, it is amazing."

10588566

10588571

10588576

'Euros of Hollywood' on 'Skyscraper Live with Nik Wallenda'
Fawni: "Why would you want to do this?"
Massimo: "Because you want to die!"

10588581

10588586

Brandy on Apollo Nida on the day of his sentencing on RHOA
"I’m glad he’s just gonna have an omelet during this time."

10588591

10588596

10588601

10588606

10588611

10588616

10592586

Brandy on 'Ellen'
"She's not dancing! Do you think she made an announcement like, 'I'm done dancing'?"

10592591

Amanda and Kenya on Matthew McConaughey
Kenya: "That vanilla bean right there!"
Amanda: "Hold on, I lost the feeling in my feet. That must mean he fine."
Kenya: "Oooh he fine, of course he’s fine! Damn he wake up fine!"

10592596

Glammas on Matthew McConaughey
Sue: "He’s not that good-looking."
Ayn: "I think he’s adorable."
Sue: "You can have him."
Ayn: "Thank you, when will he arrive?"
Sue: "Tomorrow morning."

10592601

Egbers on Matthew McConaughey
Julie: "He’s the only guy ever, if I had the opportunity, I would consider cheating on dad with."
Andrew: "Oh, I was hoping you weren’t going to be going in that direction."
Julie: "Like it’s really gonna happen!"

10592606

The Zenos on Matthew McConaughey
Lamont: "I heard they didn’t use green screen for the 'Interstellar' movie."
Princella: "What, they was in space for real?"

10592611

Scott and Emerson on 'Euros of Hollywood'
Scott: "Her name’s Bleona?"
Emerson: "Yeah, she’s the one who said she’s the Madonna of Albania, which I feel like is being the Cher of Connecticut."

10592616

The Egbers on 'Euros of Hollywood'
Andrew: "The bodyguard kept her away from Bleonia?"
Jack: "You’re combining her name and the country she’s from!"

10592621

The Resnick's on 'Survivor'
Joe: "This is just like camping with strangers for a month."
Rachel: "Strangers that have really good bodies and are tan and hairless?"

10592626

Brandy on 'Revenge'
"No one works, they have nothing but free time to go on these missions of revenge and vengeance."

10592631

Emerson on 'Revenge'
"My favorite kind of karma is instant. Bam!"

10592636

The Resnick's on 'Revenge'
Joe: "I don’t know about 'Revenge'. . ."
Rachel: "Dad, we know."
Joe: "I’m sorry, I’ve had three daughters, I’ve had enough drama."

10592641

The Egbers on 'Hell's Kitchen'
Jack: "What IS beef wellington? Isn’t it beef stuffed in a bread?"
Julie: "Beef in a puff pastry."
Jack: "So it’s like a Hot Pocket."
Sam: "Ooooh, that sounds good."

10592646

Kenya on Steven Tyler's stint on 'Hell's Kitchen'
"I just wanna do something to his hair. It throws me every time I see it. It’s like, do something! 'Cause he just looks like a mop right now."

10592651

Scott and Emerson on 'Jane the Virgin'
Scott: "I think I’ve seen him on Tinder. . ."
Emerson: "I think that might be wishful thinking."

10592656

The Zeno's on 'Jane the Virgin'
Rashawn: "She don’t look like the virgin-type."
Princella: "What do a virgin look like? Glasses and nerdy or somethin’?"
Rashawn: "Yeah!"
Princella: "Well, where are your glasses at?"

10597271

Blake, Emerson and Scott on 'The Voice'
Scott: "Have you slept with Adam Levine yet?"
Emerson: "No!"
Scott: "God! What are you waiting on?"
Emerson: "It’s like, he won’t respond to me."

Emerson: "Can we stop with the Amish hipster hat?"
Scott: "Is everybody on Pharrell’s team supposed to wear a hat now?"
Blake: "Probably."

10597276

Cathy and Destiney on 'Shark Tank'
Destiney: "Wait people actually need a cookie safe? Is this what's happening in our world right now?"
Cathy: "No, it keeps the pressure in there so it doesn't --"
Destiney: "No! It’s a safe bitch! It's a f---ing safe!"

10597281

Brandy on Jared Leto
"He’s so weird, he looks like the bearded lady."

10597286

Teddi, Ayn and Sue on the Hollywood Film Awards
Ayn: "He just said the f-bomb."
Sue: "I've been there."
Teddi: "We do love foreign actors, don't we? They win all the awards. We don't have enough here, we have to import them from Australia,and England. . ."
Sue: "'Cause we need all of the ones here to be waiters and waitresses."
Teddi: "Exactly."

10597291

Julie and Brandy on 'State of Affairs'
Julie: " 'State of Affairs', I'm excited to see this show."
Brandy: "Me too! It’s Katherine Heigl and then is there anyone else in it at all?"
Julie: "It's just her, that’s what’s groundbreaking about the show."
Brandy: "It's just her, she plays every part, like Eddie Murphy in 'Nutty Professor'."

10597296

Teddi and Sue on 'Snooki and JWow'
Sue: "Are these 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey'?"
Teddi: "I have no idea."

10597301

Jack Egber on 'Too Many Cooks'
"Is this what hallucination feels like?"

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