The Real Housewives of New Jersey Teresa Checks In/Bravo
Emerson:Teresa would be awful at phone sex
Rashawn Zeno: She running that boy from in prison like a don.
Brandy:It’s like emotional, steroid Italian men crying. I can’t take it. And it’s so good.
How to Get Away with Murder/ABC
Sarah Resnick:Here's what I don't like. It's giving people ideas about how to get away with murder.
Rachael Resnick: No, it's not.
Julie Goldman: Wow, Pharrell is now giving us more of a sailor look this time.
Julie Egber: I am, like, digging her look.
Jack Egber: Well, it's not called The Look, it's called The Voice.
Emerson: It’s like the divorce panel now! Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton!
Scott: He just pooed glitter because (Gwen Stefani) turned around.
Emerson: (Gwen Stefani) is really eating the actual candy that was in the box. Christina would’ve been like “uhhh.”
Scott: Christina would’ve eaten the box.
Destiney: Adam (Levine) just needs to talk with his shirt off.
The Unauthorized Beverly Hills 90210 Story/Lifetime
Blake: He does have the Luke Perry squint down.
Scott: Are they voting her off 90210 island?
Blake: God, 90’s survivor was rough.
Destiney: Do you think Dylan's gonna screw Shannon?
Cathy: I think everybody’s going to screw each other.
Destiney: I think so too.
Destiney: I would be horrible at this.
Cathy: You would. You’d be like “oh my god, did they really bring me a fricken tree branch instead of a fork.”
Princella: He done wore a church shirt and pulled off the sleeves on Survivor. Looking like the damn Incredible Hulk.
Julie Goldman: Jeff is really good at pretending he cares how people feel.
Keeping Up with the Kardashians/E!
Emerson: You know that in this scenario you’re the Kim, I’m the Khloe, and he’s the Kourtney, right?
Scott: You think I’m the Kim?!
Blake: As long as I’m not the Kylie.
Emerson: No one’s the Kylie.
Julie Goldman: Kim has somehow become the voice of reason.
Princella: If you’re going to choose to be a woman, I guess the Kardashians is one of the best families to be around because they’re gonna get you right. You’re gonna have the right stylist…the right plastic surgeon, they’re gonna make sure you right.
Sarah Resnick: He’s communicating in Morse Code, “Get me an In 'N Out Burger”
Brandy:Don’t sing Billy Joel or I will shrivel up and die.
Emerson: Botched should really just be called, “The Real Househusbands Get Jobs.”