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A Loofah for Kim Kardashian

Episode 3:'s Associate Editor ponders Kim K.'s boy shorts, birthing plans, and Baby Berman's new abode.

We open this week with Rachel and Joey discussing Rachel's pregnancy boobs, and really shouldn't every episode begin this way. According to Joey, she's keeping a touch more under wraps that she previously did. I don't recall a time in Zoe history when her nips were out all willy-nilly, but I do have short memory.

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Rachel's Gay Hideaway
Jeremiah gets one of his first major tests as a member of Team Zoe -- but it's not styling. He needs to pump up Rachel's three pieces of furniture and fully furnish her new abode (you remember, the ridiculous one from the first episode) before Baby Berman arrives. And he has ten days to do it.

Can Jeremiah build a home worthy of baby Berman in less than two weeks? Did you watch Million Dollar Decorators? That's a rather daunting task. I mean technically this should be easy because if Rachel had her way everything would be "white, lacquered, and mirrored," because as per Jeremiah and Rodger, she has the aesthetics of a gay man. However Jeremiah wants to create something that pushes it a touch further -- a hot place where classic pieces intermingle with French linens, where babies perch casually on all white furniture, free of clutter.

And then Rodger drops another bomb: "I actually don't care."

Ah, it's all about pleasing Madame Zoe then.

Keeping Up With Kim Kardashian
Rachel's debating how to give birth and style the Oscars when she gets a style on her bat phone from Kecia. Kim K. is having a video shoot and needs Rachel's expertise – in 24 hours. Rachel sends up the signal to Joey, who runs to pick up Jeremiah. In the four seconds it took him to get there Jeremiah didn't manage to finish his coffee, tie his shoes, or assemble an outfit he loved enough for the day. But he gets to Zoe HQ and he and Jeremiah are tethered together for the rest of the day to pull accessories.

Obviously this is loads of fun for them, as they seem to get along swimmingly (just kidding, there's some tension there no?). The pair spends the day at odds over how many shoes they should pull for the buxom Kardashian. And even twistier, only one of the boys will actually get to come on the shoot. It’s a surprise that it didn’t come down to those dueling with Brian Atwood shoes to see who would make it there.

Vegas Baby
I don't want to get ahead of myself, but next week Rodger goes to Vegas. This is Rodger pitching the concept to Rachel. It doesn't go well (though ultimately she caves) – by not well I mean for Rodger – it goes amazingly for people who love to laugh.

A Loofah for Kim Kardashian
At the shoot things manage to go off without a hitch. Kim K. thinks RZ looks amazing (and only pregnant from strategic angles). Joey (yes, Joey was chosen) gives Kim plenty of high fives, but not in a creepy way. Kim doesn't wear the boy shorts that look like a loofah. And Kim looks hella foxy in a Kiki de Montparnasse shirt and boy shorts. And Rachel runs out of breath only slightly soon after starting.

A-Doula Matata
Any scene that begins with "Let me call you right back, my wife just walked in with like a full on fur," is bound to be a good one, and thus began our trip with Rachel and Rodger to the doula. Rachel didn't care if she went looking like a hooker to the doula. She doesn't have a birth plan, just wants the tot to appear. Yeah, that's not exactly how it will work, as the doula and Pam explained. But Rachel does get bonus points for knowing what a Braxton Hicks contraction is (no relation to Toni Braxton).

Post doula, Rachel and Rodger needed a little do-over, when things got tense about Rachel's need to control all. You can't blame the woman. She can't even control her body right now, she's a little stressed. But I'm not worried, I think a trip to Vegas/some retail therapy next week will be all this pair needs. What about you guys? Should we switch it up and send Rachel to Vegas and Rodger to Rodeo? Wouldn't that be something?

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