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The Wide World of Poor People Sports
Episode 1: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor dissects Rachel's new hire Jeremiah and baby ages, and gets to the bottom of who really plays tetherball.
Welcome back to Zoeville my friends. I've missed our queen so much. And now she's back plus one. That's right Rachel Zoe's packing fashion and one-liners for two so let's dive right in.
No Years Old
We open with Rodger having a little breakfast. We learn a couple of really important things right off the bat. Rodger is apparently a very happy sleeper. The man giggles to himself in his slumber. This is tremendously more adorable than snoring, though perhaps actually more infuriating. Not only is someone keeping you awake, but they're having a jolly good time doing this. Rodg knows his night chuckles mean he needs to fix Rachel her morning sparkling water (plus cranberry, for color) immediately. It's then that Rachel fully explains her feelings on having a boy, and what outfits said baby gentleman will wear.
Baby combat boots! Also No Years Old should be the tag on all baby clothes. "Excuse me do you have this onesie in No Years Old Size?"
Once Rachel and Rodger make it into the office, Mandana (the new ultimate execu b---h) is trying to keep Rachel in check. She barely mentions Rachel's Muppet jacket before launching into discussion of Rachel's impending Editors Event.The big splashy launch of her new line -- not at Fashion Week because the Zoe would be in labor. After refusing to leave her purse as collateral (smart move), Rachel meanders over to Jordan -- who has taken up Brad’s position in his absence. And apparently his parting wasn’t all goodbyes and bowties.
It goes without saying that I'm heartbroken. The idea of these two being at odds really is heartbreaking. It's sort of like The Beatles breaking up, which segways perfectly into our next segment. . . .
All You Need Is Love Tom Ford Pajamas
Unlike some folks who have naked pregnancy picks (some of Rachel's clients included), Rachel's photos for Elle magazine include Givency skirts and Tom Ford pjs. Rachel does her best impression of Yoko Ono (nothing dramatic -- as Rachel said "We aren't making me Asian"). This scene warmed my little heart. If only Rodger had truly shown us what it was like to be in bed with him by showing of his sleep giggles. But oh the pajamas. If only I ever slept in things so fabulous. Plus the baby was exposed to his favorite odor -- hairspray.
Jeremiah Was a Decorator
So, what to do for a Brad replacement? Mandana has a pal that just might be up Rachel's alley, so he comes in for an interview. And Jeremiah is precious. Like super, duper handsome. Crazy precious. While Rodg is focused on the nuts and bolts of the job, Rachel is using her witch vibe (more on that later) to determine the perfect person. And it looks like Jeremiah has her broom dropping (I learned that from Practical Magic). He has excellent dodgeball skills (not tether-ball because it’s a poor people game) and he's handsome boy/man-child, so perhaps his interior designer background doesn't matter. But with the editors event swiftly approaching (and occurring the same night as a big styling event) Rachel can't afford to be selling wares from a duffel bag (though what a glamorous duffel bag it would be). So she also interviews Ashley. But having more experience and resembling of young Rachel (according to Rodg, I'm not seeing it) might not be enough. Rachel decides to bring Jeremiah back in so she can see another outfit test his vibe. And his one-liners net him the job!
I too have a witchy wonderful vibe about this one. Even if he can't steam to save his life.
Haus of Zoe
Meanwhile Rodg and Marisa decide to check out a house worthy of baby. And this house is anything if not worthy. It’s ginormous. Like fits not just Rachel's clothes, but all the other versions of those items that were ever produced. Rodg is nervous, until he sees the bachelor pool. Then he seems sort of into it, but alas, he swears Marisa to secrecy.
Secrecy over, Marisa tells Rach about the house and of course her witchy vibe kicks in again. I'm not sure you need to be a witch to want this house. I can't imagine a person witch, vampire, undead, or plain old alive, in the world that wouldn't want this $20K a month vision. Did you see that kitchen? I rest my case. I like the looks of this space. Rachel is going to look so fabulous stalking around in it.
Next week, Rachel finds out how C-sections work, and she is not thrilled.