When Do You Have to Show up to a Friend’s Event? (And When Can You Bail?)

When Do You Have to Show up to a Friend’s Event? (And When Can You Bail?)

Are you a bad friend if you don't show up to everything? Here's why Kandi Burruss didn't attend Porsha Williams' gender reveal party.

By Marianne Garvey

Kandi Burruss says she has no issues with Porsha Williams not showing up in person to support her endeavors.

“Porsha already said that she’s not gonna come support anything that I do, she just doesn’t want to be around my friends,” The Real Housewives of Atlanta singer explained in the After Show. “I don’t necessarily have to go to her things and she doesn’t have to come to mine.”

Kandi swears she doesn’t “have a problem with that,” because “it’s not like we’re close enough for me to be upset or care.”

“It’s just like when she didn’t want to come to the opening of my restaurant, I thought the last we can do is support each other in business… but… I keep it cool, I’m not mad, no hard feelings… I wanna be there for the people I know are gonna support me.”

That likely explains why she skipped Porsha's gender reveal party.

So, what are the rules here?

Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman explained to Personal Space showing up to things is actually “one of the true tests of friendship.”

“How they support you during certain occasions and celebrations (weddings, birthdays, graduations) and difficult ceremonies, such as hospital visits to visit someone ailing and funerals [is important],” Gottsman said.

There are exceptions when it comes to attending every event due to proximity or a previous obligation, she added, but when it comes to something that is a momentous, “a good friend will do what they can to be there to support each other.”

Not everyone can be there for every friend at all times.

“There are times when friendships are lopsided and someone may put more weight on the relationship than the other,” Gottsman said. “They will want to be included and attend more of your events than you will want to attend of theirs.”

And remember, personalities vary.

“Some people are more social and enjoy multiple celebrations while others prefer smaller crowds so it’s important to understand not all friends will want to attend your many functions,” she said. “There are a few key celebrations you should seriously consider joining — those which mean a great deal to your friend — to include Bar mitzvahs, baptisms, going away parties along with the standard graduations, funerals, and weddings.”

Finally, if you find yourself always attending their ceremonies, but they seldom attend yours, she said, “It’s either an indicator that your social calendars are woefully off, they are not as social, or worst case, they place different value on the relationship.”

In some cases, they just may not like your choice of friends and choose not to be around them. As Gottsman reminded us, “Everyone has different groups of friends and sometimes they don’t mix.”

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